2008

This year has been one huge recovery year I would say.
My heart needed to do a lot of healing and I can definitely say it has!
God used me this year in ways I would not have expected when I was still hurting and feeling alone.

I feel like I can split my year into two completely different years. Before Louisiana and after.
Before Louisiana, I was still learning how to move on from horrible experiences the year before. I was still very fragile in my walk with Christ, still figuring out how to leave it all in the past. Slowly God was healing me though and little did I know he was preparing me for something much better.
My time in Louisiana was so amazing. I still think about it everyday. I have learned so much from that six weeks and my time at home after that trip was spent in a much better attitude about life and about God. I'm so thankful for those six weeks serving and being served in Covington... this year would not have been the same without it.
The past 6 months have been wonderful. God has been showing himself more and more faithful as every day passes. I love him. So very much and am sooo not worthy of it all. Grace is a hard thing to understand.
I received amazing news the other night and I know that God is here, he is moving, he has plans for this place and these people that we can only imagine glimpses of. I am confident of that.
So bring on 2009 and the people God has for me to meet and the places He has for me to see. I can't wait to see how his Kingdom continues to grow.

:(

I am really really really going to miss my friends.
All of them.
It's finally hitting me...leaving home.


-God, I give this whole move to you. I pray that everything I do and choose to get involved with would be glorifying to you. I pray that you will continue to bless the friendships I have at home and I thank you so much for giving me such an amazing support group in my life. While I'm getting scared that this isn't the right thing to do, I know you put this all in my heart for a reason and I trust you are doing great things for your kingdom through my life. I pray my own desires and needs won't get in the way of that. I love you Lord! I am so thankful for my home and the family you have given me here in your church! Bless them just as they have blessed me.

January 24th

That's when we were born.
Photo sesh with my niece :)












So I said goodbye until May to most of my family today.
:( I'm going to miss them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

Best Christmas song ever.
It's just so...good.

So what are we on now...two days until Christmas? It's crazy how fast it came this year, but then again I say that every year. Time just keeps going by faster and faster.
Next is 2009! When did THAT happen?
I'm excited for Christmas. Usually my family comes over x-mas eve, btu this year they are coming over on x-mas and that makes me happy cause usually Christmas day is just so boring. It will be nice :)

I have been taking TOTAL advantage of break too. I am so lazy! All I want to do is sleep and eat and watch t.v., and it feels good!
That's what break is for right? In fact, I may take a nap right after I write this.

Here is a picture of what I'm moving to in 14 days.


PERFECT.
(I don't know this girl, but maybe I will when I move and then I will be able to say I used her picture in my blog)

Have a very merry Christmas everyone!
We are celebrating an amazing moment when God became a baby boy.

Crazy

So for the past hour or so I have been talking to my soon to be roommate Kalie :)
I got the email last night with her information and did the Facebook add right away of course.
We are going to be great friends.
I just know it already.
We want all the same things when it comes to our room...even down to how we want the temperature.
She is from California too!
We have all the same hobbies.
It's just great.

19 days and it's off to Washington

Family Photoshoot

Mi familia.
Just some of my favorites from that day.
We have...
My mom and dad
My sister Karissa
My sister Tara and her husband Jeff and four kids Mckenna, Drew, Nathan, and Anna
and my brother Shane and his girlfriend Rachel.
=)

Whales

I have always had a fascination with whales.
They are my favorite animal when people ask.
I just think they are so amazing!
You want to make me the happiest person ever...take me whale watching.

Anyways, I got hooked on the show "Whale Wars" on Animal Planet.
It's intense.
It's about a ship called the Sea Shepherd ran by a crew of people dedicated to stopping the illegal killing of whales by the Japanese.
They just float around searching for the Japanese ships and try to stop them from killing the whales. When they finally run into a ship it's like a straight up pirate fight! With throwing acid bombs on their deck, trying to shut down their propellers, and jumping onto their ship!
IT'S CRAZY!!!
Ive never really been a kind of "save the whales" person, and I'm not even now haha
Just couldn't stop watching the show :)

Hollywood Hills

Yeah I party in Hollywood Hills.
Last night anyways...
and maybe it wasn't a party,
but it sure was fun :)

Alex had an art show for her art final at this awesome house in Hollywood Hills. It was tight. They used the whole house and spread out there art work everywhere. I wish I had pictures but all of them are on Jane's camera. There was also a D.J. apparently from the Black Eyed Peas so if your wondering how legit this was...there's your answer ;)
haha

Afterward we hung out at Biola with Grace, Laura and Grace's roommate Nicole. There was the "Deck the Haven" event where one floor in the guy's dorms went decorating crazy and have themed rooms and all that, and people go through and walk around. It was very fun :)

After that, we went to In-n-Out. Perfect way to end the evening.
We headed home around 2 in the morning.
Sad thing is I was exhausted! I feel like an old woman!
2 in the morning used to be the norm for me until this stupid semester hit where if I went to bed after 12 I was as good as dead.
Hopefully break will get me back in the staying up late habit :)
Oh break, you have no idea how excited I am for you to be here!

I'm working on it.

I have realized that loving yourself is key.
Not loving yourself in a selfish "hey look at me" way, but being confident in who God made you to be.
I used to be a very outgoing confident person, and while alot of people still think of me that way, I'm really not.
There are certain people and moments that really bring out the best in me, but it's rare.
In the last two years I have lost some friends, had my heart broken, and have had to deal with growing up pretty fast. I'm not complaining but these things have totally changed how I view and feel about myself. I am a completely different person than I was a year or two ago.
We all want to feel loved.
Loved for exactly who we are.
I have searched for that love and reassurance that I'm good enough in people. My friends and/or boyfriends is who I tend to put that pressure on. I have learned though that it is not their job or responsibility. While yes your friends are there to build you up and encourage you, when you put the full responsibility of making you happy on their shoulders, you will be let down. This is just the world and that has been the hardest thing for me to learn. I need to find out who I am outside of my friends and family and boyfriends. They are not the people who define me and they are not who holds my identity. The one that my identity is found in has said that He has overcome this world. That no love greater than his can be found on this Earth. My joy, my deep lasting feeling of contentment and peace, it has not and will not be found in people.
I learn this lesson over and over again.
I'm sure I'll continue learning it as I experience more.
I want the love of God to be more than enough for me, I'm not sure that I can confidently say that yet, but that is my goal.
When that love and grace is just enough for me, when I'm not searching for more, I believe that is when I will be able to see myself the way God sees me.

Ok Really?

People are so rude!
Not a good day to be aroud people I guess...everyone was just in a horrible mood today, no matter where I went.
So I decided to sleep it off after school and now, I feel gross.
Oh naps. Bitter sweet.

I was at Starbucks this morning reading my bible and someone came up to me and made a joke saying " Just wait and see how it ends! " I couldn't tell if it was a nice joke or a mocking me joke. So I awkwardly laughed along anyways.

I have 26 days until I move to Washington and so much to do! Trying to save up money while getting ready for Christmas isn't working. I haven't been able to register for classes because I guess I am supposed to have a over the phone counsling thing first and no one at the school has gotten back to me about it. I know nothing of my soon to be roommate or living arrangments. I don't know how to dress for cold weather or what to bring for it and pretty sure I don't even own the things I do need (thank goodness Christmas is so soon) And right now I'm trying to finish up this boring semester that I was done with mentally over a month ago. However I'm not stressed. I am so so excited. I get more and more excited every time I think about it.

...I am really gonna have a hard time not having my best friends close though...
haven't thought too hard about that one yet.
Although two of them have made my life by already planning when to visit me :)

In other news, I'm getting my hair cut Friday for the first time in a year and a half. Things are looking up ;)

Slowing it Down

So now I'm slowing it down
and I'm looking around
and I'm loving this town and I'm doing alright.
Not worried 'bout nothing
except for the man I wanna be.

( If your a girl go ahead and put woman in there )
:)
This is what I'm trying to do this month before I go to school.
Also, learn more about Jesus.
Just Jesus.
His ministry, life and promises of hope.
I don't want to learn how to balance my checkbook or how to have a good marriage.
Nope, right now I just want to know more about Jesus.

So It's Official

I am moving to Washington in January.
January 6 or 7th.
I cannot wait!
I have been thinking about this and praying about this for so long now I can't believe it's finally right around the corner!
I am so excited about the school and just being on my own experiencing a new place and lifestyle.
CANNOT WAIT!

Thanksgiving was this week.
It was lovely:)
Arielle stayed with my family and I since her family ditched her for Mexico.
My family celebrated on Friday so on Thursday Arielle and I spent the afternoon in Laguna. It was gorgeous! The water seemed so clean and clear. And it was hot! While we left Riverside with scarves and coats we ended up at the beach totally unprepared.
I feel so lucky though to live in a place where 45 min away I can be in Laguna enjoying the ocean and the sun and then turn around and drive 45 more minutes to be in snow in the mountains.
So awesome :)

So I'm okay.
I'm in my last month or so of Riverside for a while and I'm going to enjoy it!

P.S - I'm serving at Spaghetti Factory so in like 2 weeks, come visit me. I'm still pretty sucky

What a Day

So yesterday was quite a day.
Started with getting a flat tire at 7 in the morning on my way to school.
perfect.

Then continued with me taking two tests that I was anything but prepared for.
perfect.

So right after i was done with classes i had a physical i needed to get done and then training for work right after that and i wouldnt be home until about 9 that night. So i'm starving and all i wanted was jack in the box chicken sandwich sooo bad.
So i get it, but as i'm driving away with it on my lap, it falls on the floor of my car and is then covered in all kinds of stuff i don't want in my mouth.
perfect.
absolutley perfect.

So the physical stunk. I had to lift my legs up and hold them up for 30 sec which apparently i can not do. so i almost fail the physical on top of being super sore afterwards. Oh and no one told me the physical would be so physical, go figure, so i had on clothes i wore to school which were not meant to get all sweaty and grose in.
peeeerfect.

Then training. I'm training to be a server at spaghetti factory. We had to carry out food to tables. No one told me that trays of food could be extremely heavy. I have NO arm strentgh whatsoever so carrying those trays was the hardest thing for me to do. First night, I almost dump over 4 trays full of food. There was also a banquet going on of about 200 people which they threw me into having no idea what i was doing.
it was just perfect.

I then get home and can't wait to watch one tree hill hoping it would cheer me up a bit. Good thing one tree hill didn't get recorded.
perfect you ask?
why yes, it was PERFECT!

Oh mondays. How I do not love you.

Results of yesterday:
- Four new tires on my car
_ two tests closer to finals and end of the semester
_ sore arms and lengs which i just translate as building muscle :)
- starting a new job
- learning i need to do leg lifts while watching tv.

Spirit come be my Joy

" wasted time is when I'm far from your truth"

I totally experienced this today. I came home after I was done with school for the day and just sat around, watched tv, sat on the computer. That's it. All night. So I find myself feeling all depressed and blah about my day wondering why I'm feeling like this. I didn't pick up my bible once today. I didn't talk to God today. What a wasted day. I didn't grow, I didn't share Gods love with anyone. Such a waste and now the day is gone.

I want there to be less and less of these days in my life.

" Spirit fall fresh on me"

-this song is "Spirit" by Switchfoot by the way :)

Work

God is faithful.

I now have two...count 'em TWO jobs.
I crawled back to old spaghetti factory, not too proud of it, but they are going to let me serve on the weekends. I'm actually scared to death of serving. It's one of my biggest fears, but I am in no place to turn down any kind of job.

The other I am really excited about. I'll be a sub for special needs classes in the riverside district. I'm very excited about working with the kids!

So it all came through.

...still no word on school.
blah

I love this song. This is MY song

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known


I'm not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know


I'm not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now



Call me corny. Call me too emotional, but I LOVE this song. I'm sure there are a ton of girls out there who can relate :)
Oh how I want a prince charming. blah blah blah, like he exists!
hahaha
ok enough of being girly.

Taylor Swifts new cd is heaven for girls ages 11-20 I would say. Love it :)

So I found out more about moving to Washington. It pretty much depends on my grades this semester which I'm not too worried about. I'm doing pretty well. The thing is though, our semester at RCC doesn't end until December 18th. Spring semester in Washington starts January 12th. That is somewhat short notice to find out if I'm moving or not don't ya think? I've got to be prepared for anything I guess.

I have also been job hunting since August. Most ridiculous few months ever to try and get a job. I swear...there is something out there telling people "Don't hire Alisha she will do nothing but destroy your company!" ...I'm sure of it. Why else would the 20+ places I have gone turn me down? It is quite frustrating...my parents are in my ear about money all the time. I can't help it, I have tried and continue to try but nothing happens. My trust is in God, something they don't understand, so when I say things like " God will provide for us" or " Maybe I'm supposed to be focusing on other things" it doesn't fly well with them. I believe though that it is in Gods hands because I have prayed about it a ton so I don't doubt that I will get the right job at the right time. Right now I'll see what else God has in store for me.

Holidays are right around the corner. Absolutley stoked about that. I just wish this weather would at least humor us and maybe send a little breeze or...something! Either way, holidays are coming and I can't wait for christmas music, hanging out with my family, eating lots of food, walking around mission inn, drinking hot cocoa, disneyland fireworks, mountains in the snow, baking cookies, the list could go on forever! Just a couple weeks away...you all ready!?

Hike!!

These Stup pictures uploaded backwards(I know how to work it now) So start from the bottom haha

Pretty Leaves

We got pretty goofy on our way down. It must have been the altitude.

We did it!

Happy Birthday Emma

The top was amazing!

Fog was rolling in

SNOW!!!



Waterfall with snow around it. Beautiful

One mile to go


Here we go!!

We hiked in Idywild for Emma's 20th birthday yesterday. I enjoyed it so much. The hike was 3.5 miles up. So 7 miles in all. We were dying at the beginning as we were getting used to the altitude but the further up we went the better we felt. The sight of snow helped to rejuvenate us quite a bit :)

Oh Rachel

Yes Rachel, my blog title has your name in it.
So tonight at Frugos ( a yogurt place, they are totally the fad right now) Rachel, in reference to the employees being in the back of the store says,
" I just want them to get locked back there so I can steal gummy bears!"
muahahaha
That's Rachel for you :)


Tonight was awesome.
My week has been full of ups and downs, bad news after bad news. Going to church though mid week, seeing everybody who helps me through life, who understands me, who loves me, that makes all of it disappear and I can take a deep breath and for a couple of hours just forget about the messiness of this world and live the way I believe God created us to. In harmony with him and with each other.

Getting Anxious

Waiting is one of the hardest things for me to do.
It often ends in me completely messing up something really good because I wasn't patient enough to wait for it.
It's just how I am.
I work on it as much as I can and pray for patience.
The problem with patience is the only way to have it, is to wait for something.
So right now, I'm waiting.
Waiting to hear if I am moving to Washington in January or not!!!!
It is so hard because honestly, I have been done with Riverside and ready to move for the past year and now that it possibly could be really close to coming true...I'm still waiting to find out.
I'm just trusting God.
I have experienced too many times the greatness of waiting on God to just keep getting upset about waiting.
Even if the answer is no to Washington, I know God will open up another door.
Something else for me to get involved with,
somewhere else to move.
Who knows.
It could be anything.
Right now though, I wait.

What an AMAZING love

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You





I LOVE that last part
" All for love a savior prayed
Abba Father have your way
though they know not what they do
let the cross draw man to you."
This world did not and does not deserve what Jesus did for us that day. He loved anyway and sacrificed for us anyway. I can't get my mind around how amazing that is. Every time I sit and think about it I just cry cause I can't handle how huge that is.

Election Day Is Just Around The Corner

And thank God.
The most RIDICULOUS thing just happened to me.
So most of you know my family...they put a vote no on prop 8 sign out front on our lawn. I personally am voting no also for my own reasons which differ complelty from my famalies reasons.
So I'm out in my driveway just now cleaning out my car, my head is in the door because I'm picking something up off the floor by my passenger seat but I hear a car turn the corner and slow down what sounds to be right in front of our house. So I lift my head and sure enough a lady had stopped her car right in front of our house waiting for me to look up and as I did she looked me dead in the eye and shook her head then looked at our sign and back up at me still shaking her head in disgust. My mouth literally dropped while looking at her and she drove off.
Are you freaking kidding me!!!!!!!!!!
This lady does not know me! She does not know what I stand for, what I believe and she felt she had every right to put "shame" on me in front of my own house when I am minding my own business cleaning out my car.
What in the world has gotten into everyone?
This DISGUSTED me!!
I literally felt sick to my stomach after she drove away.

...Love your neighbor as yourself.
God where did we go so wrong?

Motivation

I DON'T HAVE ANY!!!!!!

this whole week...shoooot. I have slept in, skipped class, slept some more, wasted time on the computer, slept some more.
what is wrong with me!? I don't like being like this! I'm getting nothing done...I'm not being serious about school cause I am just SICK of it. Nothing is new, nothing is changing, nothing is progressing, so motivation is just gone.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
I don't know what else to say.

As good as a Monday gets

I really had a pretty good day.
I wake up every Monday morning dreading the week that's ahead of me but today turned it around.
Felt pretty good about my math test this morning.
Found out I got a B on my last exam in music which is a miracle.
And soccer today, i scored 5 goals :)

Soccer is quite an interesting class.
Me and Carrissa take it together for what we thought would be fun. We were sadly mistaken. It has it's fun moments, like today, but I wouldn't miss it if it were gone. OUr teacher/coach/whatever you want to call him always gives me a hard time. About EVERYTHING! I complain too much, I need to get a job, I talk to much, when I sing out loud he says it's horrible...things like that. Now most of these comments are true...okay so all of them are true, and he does it in a joking way so me and Carrissa have fun with it.
Anyways, today I took a vow of silence after he told me for the zillienth time I talk to much. I was beginning to think it was getting rediculous considering Carrissa is in the class, and if any of you know her, she should be the one being told to stop singing and talking haha, but whatever.
So the next time our teacher came over to me just waiting to say something smart I just look at him and he says "WOW ten whole seconds Carrissa check that out!"
So Carrissa says " She is taking a vow of silence. She is quite offended."
To which I nod and pat her on the back. He just cracked up. So when we played I played silent...hardest thing ever, but I'm a protestor trying to make a point.
He will miss it. You just wait. It will kill him not being able to say something about my singing or talking. I will win.
So soccer was fun today. The time I stop talking, I score 5 goals. GREAT :)

Monday nights are also my favorite night for tv. This is probably the only time I watch it during the week actually.
It's " BIG FAMILY FUN" night on TLC.
That means Jon and Kate plus 8 and 17 Children and Counting.
Then later on, One Tree Hill comes on.
I never miss an episode.

So I took a nap,
woke up,
took a shower,
now making dinner and going to sit and watch tv all night long.
Beautiful.

Score

I absolutley love Marshalls.

So I dreaded going in today.
My mom swore I would find some shoes I liked.
So I went in to humor her really.
I was right, I didn't find any shoes...but two hours later I walked out with three new shirts and a jacket for under $100!!!
One shirt being from "FREE PEOPLE" the most amazing designer brand! Please go look at it www.freepeople.com
The shirt originally cost $118, and I walked away with it for $39.99.
AMAZING!

It is hands down my new favorite place to shop.
It's like a game.
You search and search and search and find nothing in one aisle...
then the next you find a SPECTACULAR find!
Do it.
Shop at Marshalls.
This totally brightened my day

I Still Want To Be Friends

this statement is BS.
UGH!

Almost the Weekend!

I have one more day, two more classes until my weekend has officialy begun.
Praise God.
I need a break.

And yes tomorrow, if you even had to ask, I will be seeing Saw 5 at midnight with Carrissa and Arielle, in my opinion the only cool people in my group of friends who are willing to do this with me ;) no offense to anyone else...I love you all! haha
Call me sick, call me twisted, I love these movies!
People who have never given them a chance need to zip their lip cause they don't know what they are missing!

Friday I'm going to Disneyland for Emilys birthday :) Should be fantastic, Disneyland always is.

I was very very irritated tonight at church. I love Jr. highers to death, I do, like I have said before they add meaning to my life right now, I love serving in that ministry. There are times though when I want to ring their necks. I want to yell right in their face ." YOU DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW! DATING IN JR HIGH DOES NOT COUNT, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE IN ONE. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU WEAR, IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU WILL FIND FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOU ANYWAYS. GOD IS REAL! HE LOVES YOU! HE WANTS TO KNOW YOU AND YOU TO KNOW HIM! DON'T COME TO CHURCH AND SIT AND TALK ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES AND ALL THE BOYS YOU THINK YOU ARE DATING!!!"

...wow...I didn't realize I was THAT irritated. haha
my apologies :\
Pray for me haha

Oh Riverside

I always complain about how in Riverside there is never anything to do, which is still true, but this weekend has ben so much fun and has made me love it here...at least for now :)

This weekend, it seemed no matter where I went, there was people I hadn't seen in forever, or who I haven't caught up with in at least a year, or parents of kids I went to school with or WHATEVER! There were people everywhere! Riverside is so big yet so small...and I love the feeling this weekend gave me :) This is home. I love Riverside, I really really do.

We stayed in a hotel down on University last night. haha not a sketchy one though! We were there because our church was hosting a leadership conference thing and all the other groups who came stayed in the hotel so we got to also :) It was one of the most hilarious nights ever. I wish I had my own camera so I could post pictures.
WE...
~had a water fight in our hotel room
~played catch phrase with people we didn't know until at least one in the morning,
~met a firefighter ;)
~got free food from applebees
....and I feel like we did alot more than what I can remember...but anyways, it was the most fun I have had in a LONG time.
We ditched the conference though like 4 hours early and went out to eat instead...
I don't regret it.

I'm so glad I was able to be a part of this weekend with the other leaders. One of the greatest!

Routine

Routine makes me angry.
I don't like it, and only recently have I not liked it.
I used to love doing the same thing everyday because it was things I loved.
This routine im in now though...well I don't know how much more I can take.

Anyways, I really don't have anything to post but felt like writing something...
Tonight church was fun :)
I threw water at Rachels face which I know she appreciated,
went to Subway with two girls in the youth group,
got excited about this weekend!
Oh yes, this weekend I'm hoping will bring some joy into this week.
That would be fantastic.

I'm doing a really bad job about reading my Bible.
I want to, but I just don't.
I always end up so blessed though after keeping up with it, like last month I read Proverbs and it was amazing! I gained so much from it.
But like I said this routine I'm in is making me just want to sit at home and do nothing whenever I can.
LAZY is what I have become...hmm which is talked about alot in Proverbs...ironic?
I need to fix this.
Pronto.

Why do I put so much hope in a person.
It's so stupid.
I've learned alot this past year about trusting God, putting my faith in him only.
Because people will only dissapoint me.
If you assure me of something...make sure you are sure of it yourself...cause I'm going to trust you. I'm going to believe what your saying and put hope in what your telling me.
That's my mistake I guess.
But shouldn't we be able to trust some people? We need those close friendships we can trust...
If you know your not going to be that though...my friend...why pretend even for a little bit?
It would spare us both negativity towards each other.

Because of things that have happened in the past year or two...I have turned into someone self conscious and paranoid about who I can trust, who I can really be myself around and who whill accept me for exactly what I am. Not many people do, and especially the one you hope will.

I just want to be proven wrong. I want someone to come into my life who won't misuse my trust.
Say what you mean to say, or seriously do not say anything to me at all.


Good News though,
and there is always good news.
God will NEVERleave me,
His love NEVER fails,
His grace is ALWAYS there
He provides me with the answer at his timing,
He comforts me when I'm feeling alone,
He loves me for exactly what I am.
Where I would be without him, I really don't ever want to know.

A Tribute to the Good Old Days

WOW. I miss all of it