This word has been thrown around a lot lately in random conversation, sermons, songs, etc.
There are times, like recently, where I beg and beg to hear God speak to me.
I want so desperately to hear God
to feel God.
To be on fire and passionate about this life He has given me.
But I'm not.
I'm not hearing God.
I don't feel Him near me.
I'm not passionate about what I once thought God was calling me to.
And I'm mad.
I'm mad that God won't respond.
That He won't allow me to hear him.
Then there is that word again.
Wait.
No, I don't want to wait.
All waiting does for me is stress me out.
I need to know what God wants me to do.
Now.
But God keeps saying wait.
Through other people of course.
Yes I want to hear and see and feel God but blessing me in that way every time I ask does not make me faithful.
There is a Brooke Fraser song "Faithful" that has been on repeat on my itunes.
" And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful."
I will wait for God.
For His choice,
His timing.
What else can I do?
There is nothing else I want to do.
So I'll wait.
patiently?
probably not, I'm bad at that.
But I'll wait.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, October 16, 2009
Lord I'm tired
Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything
Lord didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now, i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
And this is all
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
everything...
I'm at this place where I feel so completely out of it.
I don't have much to give God, I don't even really have much to say to him...
I don't why.
..God, I'm sorry I don't run to you first.
I know you love me more than anything and more than anyone ever has, yet your not the first on my mind.
I'm sorry I get angry when you choose silence..
maybe it's that your teaching me to listen more.
I'm sorry for treating others you love with jealousy and hate.
That is not your plan or your desire.
I want to glorify you, not me, and especially not the enemy.
..but I do, and I'm sorry.
..Thank you for loving me.
Thank you that I can come to you with these ridiculous acts that so contradict your love and you count them as forgotten.
You love me despite my bitterness and anger.
I can't even imagine that kind of love, it doesn't exist like that here on earth...
help me understand how deep your love is.
Help me forget about what everyone else is saying about you, let me hear what your saying.
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while
Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything
Lord didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down
Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now, i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet
And this is all
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
everything...
I'm at this place where I feel so completely out of it.
I don't have much to give God, I don't even really have much to say to him...
I don't why.
..God, I'm sorry I don't run to you first.
I know you love me more than anything and more than anyone ever has, yet your not the first on my mind.
I'm sorry I get angry when you choose silence..
maybe it's that your teaching me to listen more.
I'm sorry for treating others you love with jealousy and hate.
That is not your plan or your desire.
I want to glorify you, not me, and especially not the enemy.
..but I do, and I'm sorry.
..Thank you for loving me.
Thank you that I can come to you with these ridiculous acts that so contradict your love and you count them as forgotten.
You love me despite my bitterness and anger.
I can't even imagine that kind of love, it doesn't exist like that here on earth...
help me understand how deep your love is.
Help me forget about what everyone else is saying about you, let me hear what your saying.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Yay!
There is a small possibility I will be able to go home for Thanksgiving!
Praise the Lord!
I so hope I can make it home for those short few days.
I miss everyone so stinkin much.
We'll see if money starts falling from the sky.
Anyways, I have a very busy week ahead. I love how professors think it's a good idea to assign everything all at once. I'm pretty sure they all get together on the weekends and pick a week to torture us and send us into a minor depression with all their due dates.
Funny guys, funny.
I'm loving the weather right now.
40's in the morning.
60's during the day.
Clear skies :)
Fall is beautiful in Washington. I would give anything to be laying out at the beach though. I smelt the smell of tanning oil yesterday and just about cried. Oh how I love that smell.
But Fall is really pretty here, I promise you. ;)
Praise the Lord!
I so hope I can make it home for those short few days.
I miss everyone so stinkin much.
We'll see if money starts falling from the sky.
Anyways, I have a very busy week ahead. I love how professors think it's a good idea to assign everything all at once. I'm pretty sure they all get together on the weekends and pick a week to torture us and send us into a minor depression with all their due dates.
Funny guys, funny.
I'm loving the weather right now.
40's in the morning.
60's during the day.
Clear skies :)
Fall is beautiful in Washington. I would give anything to be laying out at the beach though. I smelt the smell of tanning oil yesterday and just about cried. Oh how I love that smell.
But Fall is really pretty here, I promise you. ;)
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Let's Become Uncomfortable
Pastor Ryan at Eastlake this morning said this,
"Obedience is often at odds with convenience."
The first thing that popped into my mind was Jesus death on the cross. Crucifixion was a horrible, humiliating way to die. Convenient? The farthest thing from it. It took obedience to the Father for Jesus to make that sacrifice.
Sometimes I start forgetting that Jesus himself questioned what His Father was doing. It's easy to put Jesus in this position and think that He was just completely okay with what was going to happen. That is crazy of us to think. Who would be completely okay with that kind of humiliation and suffering? No, Jesus himself questioned it.
" My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Matthew 26:39
Jesus prayed this three times before his arrest and sentence to death. He knew what was in store, He pleaded for another way out. It's not this part that should shock us, it's the second part. "Yet not as I will, but as you will."
That's obedience.
"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!"
Philippians 2:8
"Obedience is often at odds with convenience."
When compared to what Jesus did out of obedience to God, our obedience to God is shameful. We push aside any undesirable calling from God in our lives. We think only about ourselves and our well being. It is shameful. We are called to be obedient to our Father in heaven. To become uncomfortable, and suffer, and through it all find joy and contentment in Jesus Christ our Lord, our Savior, our provider and comforter.
Let us listen to that pushing and shoving of the Spirit in our hearts and face the things God brings into the light. Be obedient to that voice.
"Obedience is often at odds with convenience."
The first thing that popped into my mind was Jesus death on the cross. Crucifixion was a horrible, humiliating way to die. Convenient? The farthest thing from it. It took obedience to the Father for Jesus to make that sacrifice.
Sometimes I start forgetting that Jesus himself questioned what His Father was doing. It's easy to put Jesus in this position and think that He was just completely okay with what was going to happen. That is crazy of us to think. Who would be completely okay with that kind of humiliation and suffering? No, Jesus himself questioned it.
" My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Matthew 26:39
Jesus prayed this three times before his arrest and sentence to death. He knew what was in store, He pleaded for another way out. It's not this part that should shock us, it's the second part. "Yet not as I will, but as you will."
That's obedience.
"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!"
Philippians 2:8
"Obedience is often at odds with convenience."
When compared to what Jesus did out of obedience to God, our obedience to God is shameful. We push aside any undesirable calling from God in our lives. We think only about ourselves and our well being. It is shameful. We are called to be obedient to our Father in heaven. To become uncomfortable, and suffer, and through it all find joy and contentment in Jesus Christ our Lord, our Savior, our provider and comforter.
Let us listen to that pushing and shoving of the Spirit in our hearts and face the things God brings into the light. Be obedient to that voice.
Monday, September 14, 2009
It's Just Tough
It is so difficult to bring out that joy deep inside you when you don't even really feel alive. I don't mean that I feel dead...just, not that "high on life" alive. Ya know? It's funny because, I know that these dry stages in my life happen over, and over, and over, and over. It's always the same. Usually, directly before these "dry times" I go through some amazing moments of relationship with God, and then feel as if all the other times that don't look exactly like the previous are "dry times." But seriously how lame is that!?
God does not change!
My life circumstances will ALWAYS change.
I am not always happy.
I am not always okay.
Yet God never changes. I can find comfort in that.
I have been learning a lot in classes lately about the "emotional" side of our relationship with God. How we run into a lot of problems when we base our relationship entirely off that. And I agree. When we view God entirely as this being that exists to make us happy, we don't allow thoughts of a sovereign, holy God into our minds. But those are two very true characteristics of God that I must remember.
Life simply just sucks sometimes.
What I can find hope in though, is the promise God has given me through Jesus' death. Eternal living in joy and peace and unity with our God.
Ya life sucks.
But it's not always going to be like this :)
" Do not lose heart! Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our fight and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
God does not change!
My life circumstances will ALWAYS change.
I am not always happy.
I am not always okay.
Yet God never changes. I can find comfort in that.
I have been learning a lot in classes lately about the "emotional" side of our relationship with God. How we run into a lot of problems when we base our relationship entirely off that. And I agree. When we view God entirely as this being that exists to make us happy, we don't allow thoughts of a sovereign, holy God into our minds. But those are two very true characteristics of God that I must remember.
Life simply just sucks sometimes.
What I can find hope in though, is the promise God has given me through Jesus' death. Eternal living in joy and peace and unity with our God.
Ya life sucks.
But it's not always going to be like this :)
" Do not lose heart! Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our fight and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18
Monday, August 24, 2009
Peter was a wise man, err boy
Peter Pan that is.
"never say goodbye
because saying goodbye
means going away
and going away
means forgetting."
I'm leaving Wednesday for school up in Washington. This is the part where I start to question my decision for going to school up there. The part where I have to say goodbye to my friends and family. I hate it. Especially after such an amazing summer with them all. But this is the way God wants it, and my trust is fully in Him. So I'm gonna stop saying goodbye to people cause it's not forever, and I think about everyone at home constantly while up at school, I never forget them. Christmas will be a glorious time of reunion :)
It's all in God's hands.
"never say goodbye
because saying goodbye
means going away
and going away
means forgetting."
I'm leaving Wednesday for school up in Washington. This is the part where I start to question my decision for going to school up there. The part where I have to say goodbye to my friends and family. I hate it. Especially after such an amazing summer with them all. But this is the way God wants it, and my trust is fully in Him. So I'm gonna stop saying goodbye to people cause it's not forever, and I think about everyone at home constantly while up at school, I never forget them. Christmas will be a glorious time of reunion :)
It's all in God's hands.
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