Election Day Is Just Around The Corner

And thank God.
The most RIDICULOUS thing just happened to me.
So most of you know my family...they put a vote no on prop 8 sign out front on our lawn. I personally am voting no also for my own reasons which differ complelty from my famalies reasons.
So I'm out in my driveway just now cleaning out my car, my head is in the door because I'm picking something up off the floor by my passenger seat but I hear a car turn the corner and slow down what sounds to be right in front of our house. So I lift my head and sure enough a lady had stopped her car right in front of our house waiting for me to look up and as I did she looked me dead in the eye and shook her head then looked at our sign and back up at me still shaking her head in disgust. My mouth literally dropped while looking at her and she drove off.
Are you freaking kidding me!!!!!!!!!!
This lady does not know me! She does not know what I stand for, what I believe and she felt she had every right to put "shame" on me in front of my own house when I am minding my own business cleaning out my car.
What in the world has gotten into everyone?
This DISGUSTED me!!
I literally felt sick to my stomach after she drove away.

...Love your neighbor as yourself.
God where did we go so wrong?

Motivation

I DON'T HAVE ANY!!!!!!

this whole week...shoooot. I have slept in, skipped class, slept some more, wasted time on the computer, slept some more.
what is wrong with me!? I don't like being like this! I'm getting nothing done...I'm not being serious about school cause I am just SICK of it. Nothing is new, nothing is changing, nothing is progressing, so motivation is just gone.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
I don't know what else to say.

As good as a Monday gets

I really had a pretty good day.
I wake up every Monday morning dreading the week that's ahead of me but today turned it around.
Felt pretty good about my math test this morning.
Found out I got a B on my last exam in music which is a miracle.
And soccer today, i scored 5 goals :)

Soccer is quite an interesting class.
Me and Carrissa take it together for what we thought would be fun. We were sadly mistaken. It has it's fun moments, like today, but I wouldn't miss it if it were gone. OUr teacher/coach/whatever you want to call him always gives me a hard time. About EVERYTHING! I complain too much, I need to get a job, I talk to much, when I sing out loud he says it's horrible...things like that. Now most of these comments are true...okay so all of them are true, and he does it in a joking way so me and Carrissa have fun with it.
Anyways, today I took a vow of silence after he told me for the zillienth time I talk to much. I was beginning to think it was getting rediculous considering Carrissa is in the class, and if any of you know her, she should be the one being told to stop singing and talking haha, but whatever.
So the next time our teacher came over to me just waiting to say something smart I just look at him and he says "WOW ten whole seconds Carrissa check that out!"
So Carrissa says " She is taking a vow of silence. She is quite offended."
To which I nod and pat her on the back. He just cracked up. So when we played I played silent...hardest thing ever, but I'm a protestor trying to make a point.
He will miss it. You just wait. It will kill him not being able to say something about my singing or talking. I will win.
So soccer was fun today. The time I stop talking, I score 5 goals. GREAT :)

Monday nights are also my favorite night for tv. This is probably the only time I watch it during the week actually.
It's " BIG FAMILY FUN" night on TLC.
That means Jon and Kate plus 8 and 17 Children and Counting.
Then later on, One Tree Hill comes on.
I never miss an episode.

So I took a nap,
woke up,
took a shower,
now making dinner and going to sit and watch tv all night long.
Beautiful.

Score

I absolutley love Marshalls.

So I dreaded going in today.
My mom swore I would find some shoes I liked.
So I went in to humor her really.
I was right, I didn't find any shoes...but two hours later I walked out with three new shirts and a jacket for under $100!!!
One shirt being from "FREE PEOPLE" the most amazing designer brand! Please go look at it www.freepeople.com
The shirt originally cost $118, and I walked away with it for $39.99.
AMAZING!

It is hands down my new favorite place to shop.
It's like a game.
You search and search and search and find nothing in one aisle...
then the next you find a SPECTACULAR find!
Do it.
Shop at Marshalls.
This totally brightened my day

I Still Want To Be Friends

this statement is BS.
UGH!

Almost the Weekend!

I have one more day, two more classes until my weekend has officialy begun.
Praise God.
I need a break.

And yes tomorrow, if you even had to ask, I will be seeing Saw 5 at midnight with Carrissa and Arielle, in my opinion the only cool people in my group of friends who are willing to do this with me ;) no offense to anyone else...I love you all! haha
Call me sick, call me twisted, I love these movies!
People who have never given them a chance need to zip their lip cause they don't know what they are missing!

Friday I'm going to Disneyland for Emilys birthday :) Should be fantastic, Disneyland always is.

I was very very irritated tonight at church. I love Jr. highers to death, I do, like I have said before they add meaning to my life right now, I love serving in that ministry. There are times though when I want to ring their necks. I want to yell right in their face ." YOU DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW! DATING IN JR HIGH DOES NOT COUNT, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE IN ONE. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU WEAR, IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU WILL FIND FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOU ANYWAYS. GOD IS REAL! HE LOVES YOU! HE WANTS TO KNOW YOU AND YOU TO KNOW HIM! DON'T COME TO CHURCH AND SIT AND TALK ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES AND ALL THE BOYS YOU THINK YOU ARE DATING!!!"

...wow...I didn't realize I was THAT irritated. haha
my apologies :\
Pray for me haha

Oh Riverside

I always complain about how in Riverside there is never anything to do, which is still true, but this weekend has ben so much fun and has made me love it here...at least for now :)

This weekend, it seemed no matter where I went, there was people I hadn't seen in forever, or who I haven't caught up with in at least a year, or parents of kids I went to school with or WHATEVER! There were people everywhere! Riverside is so big yet so small...and I love the feeling this weekend gave me :) This is home. I love Riverside, I really really do.

We stayed in a hotel down on University last night. haha not a sketchy one though! We were there because our church was hosting a leadership conference thing and all the other groups who came stayed in the hotel so we got to also :) It was one of the most hilarious nights ever. I wish I had my own camera so I could post pictures.
WE...
~had a water fight in our hotel room
~played catch phrase with people we didn't know until at least one in the morning,
~met a firefighter ;)
~got free food from applebees
....and I feel like we did alot more than what I can remember...but anyways, it was the most fun I have had in a LONG time.
We ditched the conference though like 4 hours early and went out to eat instead...
I don't regret it.

I'm so glad I was able to be a part of this weekend with the other leaders. One of the greatest!

Routine

Routine makes me angry.
I don't like it, and only recently have I not liked it.
I used to love doing the same thing everyday because it was things I loved.
This routine im in now though...well I don't know how much more I can take.

Anyways, I really don't have anything to post but felt like writing something...
Tonight church was fun :)
I threw water at Rachels face which I know she appreciated,
went to Subway with two girls in the youth group,
got excited about this weekend!
Oh yes, this weekend I'm hoping will bring some joy into this week.
That would be fantastic.

I'm doing a really bad job about reading my Bible.
I want to, but I just don't.
I always end up so blessed though after keeping up with it, like last month I read Proverbs and it was amazing! I gained so much from it.
But like I said this routine I'm in is making me just want to sit at home and do nothing whenever I can.
LAZY is what I have become...hmm which is talked about alot in Proverbs...ironic?
I need to fix this.
Pronto.

Why do I put so much hope in a person.
It's so stupid.
I've learned alot this past year about trusting God, putting my faith in him only.
Because people will only dissapoint me.
If you assure me of something...make sure you are sure of it yourself...cause I'm going to trust you. I'm going to believe what your saying and put hope in what your telling me.
That's my mistake I guess.
But shouldn't we be able to trust some people? We need those close friendships we can trust...
If you know your not going to be that though...my friend...why pretend even for a little bit?
It would spare us both negativity towards each other.

Because of things that have happened in the past year or two...I have turned into someone self conscious and paranoid about who I can trust, who I can really be myself around and who whill accept me for exactly what I am. Not many people do, and especially the one you hope will.

I just want to be proven wrong. I want someone to come into my life who won't misuse my trust.
Say what you mean to say, or seriously do not say anything to me at all.


Good News though,
and there is always good news.
God will NEVERleave me,
His love NEVER fails,
His grace is ALWAYS there
He provides me with the answer at his timing,
He comforts me when I'm feeling alone,
He loves me for exactly what I am.
Where I would be without him, I really don't ever want to know.

A Tribute to the Good Old Days

WOW. I miss all of it

Thursdays are my Fridays

I have no school tomorrow.
BEAUTIFUL.


This morning started off well. I got an A on my math test which blew my mind because I have the definition of idiot for a teacher. So that made me happy.

Yesterday was a jammed packed, busy, emotional rollercoaster of a day.
I went to eat with Jane and Rachel who I lived with in Louisiana. ( You two may be the only ones who read this as of now but I wanted to explain that anyways )We lived in the same houses for six weeks, Rachel and I sharing a bed every night. We talked about Louisiana memories for an hour or so and we could have gone on for hours more but Jane had prior engagements. We laughed so hard remembering all the ridiculous moments like Jane losing her shoe, or Rachel being sick on the way to Flordia, and wanted to cry remembering all the moments we wanted to just pack up and come home. I love them. So so so much and if I had any pictures on my computer I would post them. We had quite the experience in Louisiana and I love that we share that. Coming home I realized no one would understand what I went through and the emotions I felt while living there. I couldn't make anyone really get it, but they get it. I am so glad I still have them to go to when I have done nothing but think about Louisiana all day long, which happens alot.

shout out to the ladies : let's do that every month :)

Double Post

So I know I already posted earlier today but...well I have alot on my mind :)

Small Groups started tonight and I am so excited for it! These Jr. High girls add meaning to my life, honestly, I love them. I am so glad they are a part of my life.
I had to leave ealry tonight to go visit a counselor from Northwest (school I have been hoping to transfer to in January) and the girls went crazy!
" I'm going to pray you don't get into the school! "
" you can't leave us!"
Aw my heart melted. I didn't think about how sad it would be to leave them. It really would. I spend more time with them than my own family it seems like haha. I would miss them ALOT ALOT!!

So this counselor guy helped me and my parents out a ton when we went to visit the school back in February. For the curious ones go check out the school here, www.Northwestu.edu. So he was going to be in town tonight at a college fair. I went to talk to him about my application which I already sent in. It went very well. He said he was hoping to be the one to read over my application so was waiting until he got back home. He understood though that I'm in this totally anxious place of "where the heck am I going to be in a couple months," so he said he would call the school and get someone to look over it. He took my cell number and said he would call when he heard.

I love this school. It's so not at all where I would have pictured myself after high school but I feel so at peace about it. Like I'm supposed to go there. It's a tiny tiny school. He said they will probably only get 50 new students in the next semester. It has two dorm buildings. One for girls, one for guys. The only thing I can compare it to is CBU, but smaller. It's in Kirkland, Washington which is absolutely beautiful! I could go on forever about it...

The thought of moving totally freaks me out though. I am excited beyond belief about it, but it does scare me. I mean I have lived here in Riverside my entire life. Same house and everything. Riverside is full of people who have lived here there whole lives. My parents...born here... grew up here...STILL HERE. I just don't think that's for me. I want to see what there is out there. Meet different kinds of people. Experience God outside of this bubble. It's scary thinking about moving...but I want to so so bad. I need to try it for myself.

So that was my night. :) Great I know.
Today sucked though...emotion wise. I just though too much about all the things that have gone the opposite way I have wanted them to. Things that I know if they had gone the other way, could have been good. It's so absurd how much hope I put in things and people on this earth. I need God and only God. That's the lesson I need to learn before I can handle getting what I want...ay I dunno.

goodnight for now.
long day tomorrow.

Taste Is Gone

My taste is completly gone.
I hate it.
I love my food...but tasting it, I have realized, is the best part.
Sickness can leave me any time now that would be great.

Anyways, this weekend I pretty much slept the entire weekend. It was quite nice especially since it finally cooled off around here. Made it feel like October! Go figure. Sunday I made my way to Sandals though and was so glad I did! Matt did a great job pretty much summing up how I feel about the church and politics. Something I never knew how to explain. I don't want to quote him wrong so I'll just sum it up the way I took it. He pretty much explained how our freedom we get from God. It is not something we had to earn, it is a gift to us, an amazing gift. Who are we to take away freedom from others? Only God can do that. So vote in the way you feel God telling you, based on what you believe. Don't vote to vote Jesus into office, it is not going to happen. No one can be Jesus for America but Jesus. I just absolutely enjoyed everything he had to say.

Small groups for Jr. High start tonight. I'm beyond excited. I love the girls I have been meeting and getting to know. I can't wait to get to know them even better while learning more about God together. What a great night it will be :)

...On my way to the doctor with mi madre.
Maybe I'll get some starbucks out of it ;)

And the greatest of these is love

Why is it that typically, not all the time, but typically, people who don't follow Jesus are so much more accepting of me than those people who do?

I just got done studying with two girls in my oceanography class. Well the studying only lasted about 10 minutes until of course we start talking about ex-boyfriends and relationships. The conversation then leads to the question, " So how many times have you had sex with someone?" Just straight up, just like that. Maybe it's because I constantly am surrounded by my friends from church but, that was the first time I have ever been asked that question and it took me back a little.
" Oh me? Well um I haven't had sex."
" Are you serious?"
" Yes, I'm actually saving myself, for when I get married."
They didn't say anything for a few seconds haha, I felt a little awkward because I barely even know these girls. So they asked
"Well is it because you have never had a boyfriend?"
" No, I have had a boyfriend. I don't have sex because of my commitment to God."
" Ooooh, so your really religious?"
" Well, I have never liked putting it that way but yes I believe in God."

The next hour our books were closed and we talked about God, religion, and sex. Half way through i realized something. They don't live the way I choose to live, they don't follow Jesus, yet I felt like they were so genuine and interested in who I was as a person and in what I believed. Now why was I not the same for them? I wanted to be.
So I just started asking them tons of questions, trying to get to know them as much as I could, I mean, they now knew I was living for God, following Jesus. My commandment is to love them and to be intentional with them wether they know that about me or not.

It blew me away. How much they cared about my life, about me. I can truely say that even with my closest friends, especially in the church, I have only felt that way a few times.


Why?
It almost makes me angry.

Pray for me, and pray for the church that follows Jesus, that we can love the way these two girls loved me today.

Movies

Why are they SO dang expensive now a days! I put down the rest of my money(literally) to see Eagle Eye last night, I think that if it wasn't for me being so tired...it would have been way worth it. It really was a good movie though! Technology is crazy.

In other news, I woke up feeling sick this morning. Ya know that sick, scratchy feeling you get in your throat a couple days before you really get sick? Ya...woke up with it this morning. And tonight is broom hockey!! So not a good combination. I don't want to break my record and actually sleep at church tonight. Lame. We will see how it goes.

In other other news...I have great friends, great supporters, great people in my life who keep me accountable and encourage me when I feel I have no one. Thank you all for that :)

peace

Feeling Lame

Life doesn't make sense to me sometimes.
BLAH.

I am so not motivated at all right now...and I don't just mean right now, it has been like this all week. I am so sick of waking up at 5:45am, so tired of taking classes I really do not care about. I'm just not motivated. This needs to change

In other news, the new thought of the week is, God is the one and only who will never leave me. He is going to stick around no matter what. Praise him for that.

chao