Wait

This word has been thrown around a lot lately in random conversation, sermons, songs, etc.
There are times, like recently, where I beg and beg to hear God speak to me.
I want so desperately to hear God
to feel God.
To be on fire and passionate about this life He has given me.
But I'm not.
I'm not hearing God.
I don't feel Him near me.
I'm not passionate about what I once thought God was calling me to.
And I'm mad.
I'm mad that God won't respond.
That He won't allow me to hear him.


Then there is that word again.
Wait.
No, I don't want to wait.
All waiting does for me is stress me out.
I need to know what God wants me to do.
Now.
But God keeps saying wait.
Through other people of course.
Yes I want to hear and see and feel God but blessing me in that way every time I ask does not make me faithful.
There is a Brooke Fraser song "Faithful" that has been on repeat on my itunes.
" And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful."
I will wait for God.
For His choice,
His timing.
What else can I do?
There is nothing else I want to do.
So I'll wait.
patiently?
probably not, I'm bad at that.
But I'll wait.