Ready, Set, Go

Never Destroyed

2010-04-15T23:04:00.000-07:00

2 Corinthians 4: 8-9
" We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

Paul was a man who traveled around and told people the good news right?
Yes.
And Paul speaks a ton of the persecution and opposition he faces as someone who goes around talking about Jesus.
We can be guaranteed these things as followers. It just comes with the package.
I know this.
But it never makes it easy to face.
It is so unbelievable though that in all the stories of persecution in the Bible, destruction does not follow.
We are never abandoned by God.
When it feels as if the entire world has abandoned me, I am not alone.

I am never alone.
None of it matters.
I am saved.
I am loved.
I am pursued by an almighty God who cares for me.
My future is decided.
It is secure.

I have nothing to fear.

I can't grasp this concept!
All I know is fear.
Insecurity.
Shame.
Worry.

I want to be confident enough in Christ that when opposition hits me, it bounces right back off and I am unaffected because I know where my identity comes from.

These words of David's have been getting me through alot lately.
Written so long ago but they represent the battle that goes on inside my head.
Psalm 27
Teach me your way, O LORD;
lead me in a straight path
because of my oppressors.

12 Do not turn me over to the desire of my foes,
for false witnesses rise up against me,
breathing out violence.

13 I am still confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the LORD
in the land of the living.

That right there is some good stuff.

Intoxicating Scent

2010-04-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

Spending time in His word tonight and listening to some music the following kept being repeated.

"your fragrance is intoxicating."

I want to know what this means.
I want to know how it feels to be intoxicated by just the presence of God.
Granted, I do not know how it feels to be intoxicated...period. But, being intoxicated by the love of God? I can only imagine how rad that would be.

I deeply desire this closeness with God right now.
It's not happening all at once.
Sometimes I find that weird.
I feel like if I am asking for it why wouldn't God just give me that closeness?
Maybe there is something still in the way?
I don't know.
But I'm choosing, and trying to be faithful.

I pray I would be intoxicated tonight by the fragrance of God.
Whatever that means.
MMMMM I want it!

C'mon Jesus!

**** 5 MINUTES AFTER POSTING THIS BLOG!

God just blew my mind.
AHHHH!!!!!!!!
I wanted to know what this fragrance was all about.
I look down in my Bible that was open in front of me and start reading 2 Corinthians 2:12-17...
FRAGRANCE EVERYWHERE!!!
Check it!

"But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumphal procession in Christ and through us spreads everywhere the fragrance of the knowledge of him. 15For we are to God the aroma of Christ among those who are being saved and those who are perishing. 16To the one we are the smell of death; to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? 17Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God."

AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING!
I'm just blown away that BAM I look down after writing this blog and there it was.

So now I pray.
ALOT!

God show me why this was so in my face tonight.
I can't wait to learn!!

Something So True

2010-04-02T21:44:00.000-07:00

It is a strange, somber, humbling thing to spend Good Friday completely alone.

I am stuck in the dorm while most people are home enjoying family and friends for the weekend. At first, I was completely upset about being alone. I do not do good alone. I think too much, time goes by so slow, doubt always fills up my mind. Me and alone just really do not mix.

God is using that.
Sometimes it can feel like it is being used against me, but I know God better than that. It can only be used for my good, I have to trust that.

So me hating being alone has brought me to be alone on Good Friday.
Good Friday, where we remember the night of Jesus' suffering and death.
The thing He did for us.
For me.
Even though I'm horrible.

I walked into a crowded Mars Hill service hoping being alone and finding a seat wouldn't make me feel awkward. The main room was overflowing and the overflow room was on it's way to doing the same. So I slipped in to a random seat in between strangers.

There was no noise.
No talking.
Just singing.
Singing of Jesus' love, mercy, compassion.
Happy amazing things and yet...there was silence.

After worship, I opened my eyes to notice the two that had been sitting next to me had left. I had empty chairs on both sides.
Alone again.
Why God are you choosing to do this NOW?
Then a simple picture of Jesus came on the screen standing alone.
I thought to myself, in a very humbling moment, " Oh yes, Jesus did this alone."
I began to pay attention knowing God had something for me tonight.

They played a video depicting Jesus' last moments.
The ones who denied and betrayed him.
The ones who mocked him.
The ones who put him to death in his righteousness.

Then... I realized I am in all the above categories.

I have denied him, and denied others his love.
I have betrayed him as if he is not enough.
I mock him and his word with my actions of disobedience and distrust.
It was my sins, my dirtiness, my hate, that put him to death.

And I was alone.

When you are alone you are forced to face yourself.
Everything about who you are.
God was asking me to do the same.
It has been far too long since I have taken a look at myself and my own life.
It's not that I forget why Jesus died, it is that I don't bring myself to remember it enough.

His death became so real to me tonight.
And even more...the life that follows.
Oh AMAZING grace
How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me.

Jesus died ALONE for my sin.
I now spend time tonight ALONE asking forgiveness and reminding myself why I chose to live differently.

Beauty

2010-03-21T23:50:00.000-07:00

" The king is enthralled by your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord." Psalm 45:11

This verse absolutely consumed me tonight.
Psalm 45 is seen as a wedding poem about a great, majestic king preparing for his bride.
This great king is of course our wonderful God. The undeserved position of his bride has been gracefully given to me. I couldn't wrap my mind around this kind of love so I began to think of my Dad.

My Dad is wonderful.
He has always protected me.
Provided for me.
He isn't a man who shows his deep love for you all that often. He is shy in that way.
However, in the times when He does, I leave his presence with no doubt in my mind that he thinks the world of me. There are times his eyes are filled with tears when expressing to me the joy I bring him.
How much more can I expect from my heavenly father?
Tears of joy?
When I read verse 11 again, I am made aware of the deep love God, my king, my husband, has for me.

Lately, a lot of people I know are getting engaged.
It makes me so excited to think about the day when I will find my best friend and future husband to live out this life with. I have so many desires for our relationship already and haven't even met him yet. I can't wait for him to look into my eyes and tell me I am the most beautiful person he has ever known.

This psalm tells me I already have the attention of someone.
My king is enthralled by my beauty.
The creator of heaven and of earth, the almighty one, is enthralled by my beauty.
Brought to tears of joy in my presence.

....that is unbelievable.
For my God to love me THAT much. To look at me with eyes of love the way a husband looks at his bride.

I am in awe.

And I will honor him, for he is my lord.

Wait

2009-11-30T14:25:00.000-08:00

This word has been thrown around a lot lately in random conversation, sermons, songs, etc.
There are times, like recently, where I beg and beg to hear God speak to me.
I want so desperately to hear God
to feel God.
To be on fire and passionate about this life He has given me.
But I'm not.
I'm not hearing God.
I don't feel Him near me.
I'm not passionate about what I once thought God was calling me to.
And I'm mad.
I'm mad that God won't respond.
That He won't allow me to hear him.

Then there is that word again.
Wait.
No, I don't want to wait.
All waiting does for me is stress me out.
I need to know what God wants me to do.
Now.
But God keeps saying wait.
Through other people of course.
Yes I want to hear and see and feel God but blessing me in that way every time I ask does not make me faithful.
There is a Brooke Fraser song "Faithful" that has been on repeat on my itunes.
" And as I wait for you, maybe I'm made more faithful."
I will wait for God.
For His choice,
His timing.
What else can I do?
There is nothing else I want to do.
So I'll wait.
patiently?
probably not, I'm bad at that.
But I'll wait.

Lord I'm tired

2009-10-16T09:32:00.000-07:00

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, that's my everything

Lord didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

Chorus:
And this is all that I can say right now, i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.

Bridge:
I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now [right now], i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, oh i know it's not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
yeah that's my everything..
everything...

I'm at this place where I feel so completely out of it.
I don't have much to give God, I don't even really have much to say to him...
I don't why.

..God, I'm sorry I don't run to you first.
I know you love me more than anything and more than anyone ever has, yet your not the first on my mind.
I'm sorry I get angry when you choose silence..
maybe it's that your teaching me to listen more.
I'm sorry for treating others you love with jealousy and hate.
That is not your plan or your desire.
I want to glorify you, not me, and especially not the enemy.
..but I do, and I'm sorry.

..Thank you for loving me.
Thank you that I can come to you with these ridiculous acts that so contradict your love and you count them as forgotten.
You love me despite my bitterness and anger.
I can't even imagine that kind of love, it doesn't exist like that here on earth...
help me understand how deep your love is.
Help me forget about what everyone else is saying about you, let me hear what your saying.

Yuck

2009-10-13T19:31:00.001-07:00

I have just been in the worst of moods lately.

when will this stop?

Yay!

2009-10-05T10:34:00.000-07:00

There is a small possibility I will be able to go home for Thanksgiving!
Praise the Lord!
I so hope I can make it home for those short few days.

I miss everyone so stinkin much.

We'll see if money starts falling from the sky.
Anyways, I have a very busy week ahead. I love how professors think it's a good idea to assign everything all at once. I'm pretty sure they all get together on the weekends and pick a week to torture us and send us into a minor depression with all their due dates.
Funny guys, funny.

I'm loving the weather right now.
40's in the morning.
60's during the day.
Clear skies :)
Fall is beautiful in Washington. I would give anything to be laying out at the beach though. I smelt the smell of tanning oil yesterday and just about cried. Oh how I love that smell.
But Fall is really pretty here, I promise you. ;)

Let's Become Uncomfortable

2009-09-27T13:32:00.000-07:00

Pastor Ryan at Eastlake this morning said this,

"Obedience is often at odds with convenience."

The first thing that popped into my mind was Jesus death on the cross. Crucifixion was a horrible, humiliating way to die. Convenient? The farthest thing from it. It took obedience to the Father for Jesus to make that sacrifice.

Sometimes I start forgetting that Jesus himself questioned what His Father was doing. It's easy to put Jesus in this position and think that He was just completely okay with what was going to happen. That is crazy of us to think. Who would be completely okay with that kind of humiliation and suffering? No, Jesus himself questioned it.

" My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
Matthew 26:39

Jesus prayed this three times before his arrest and sentence to death. He knew what was in store, He pleaded for another way out. It's not this part that should shock us, it's the second part. "Yet not as I will, but as you will."

That's obedience.

"And being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself and became obedient to death--even death on a cross!"
Philippians 2:8

"Obedience is often at odds with convenience."

When compared to what Jesus did out of obedience to God, our obedience to God is shameful. We push aside any undesirable calling from God in our lives. We think only about ourselves and our well being. It is shameful. We are called to be obedient to our Father in heaven. To become uncomfortable, and suffer, and through it all find joy and contentment in Jesus Christ our Lord, our Savior, our provider and comforter.

Let us listen to that pushing and shoving of the Spirit in our hearts and face the things God brings into the light. Be obedient to that voice.

It's Just Tough

2009-09-14T23:03:00.000-07:00

It is so difficult to bring out that joy deep inside you when you don't even really feel alive. I don't mean that I feel dead...just, not that "high on life" alive. Ya know? It's funny because, I know that these dry stages in my life happen over, and over, and over, and over. It's always the same. Usually, directly before these "dry times" I go through some amazing moments of relationship with God, and then feel as if all the other times that don't look exactly like the previous are "dry times." But seriously how lame is that!?

God does not change!
My life circumstances will ALWAYS change.
I am not always happy.
I am not always okay.
Yet God never changes. I can find comfort in that.

I have been learning a lot in classes lately about the "emotional" side of our relationship with God. How we run into a lot of problems when we base our relationship entirely off that. And I agree. When we view God entirely as this being that exists to make us happy, we don't allow thoughts of a sovereign, holy God into our minds. But those are two very true characteristics of God that I must remember.
Life simply just sucks sometimes.
What I can find hope in though, is the promise God has given me through Jesus' death. Eternal living in joy and peace and unity with our God.
Ya life sucks.
But it's not always going to be like this :)

" Do not lose heart! Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our fight and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen but what is unseen."
2 Corinthians 4:16-18

Peter was a wise man, err boy

2009-08-24T00:46:00.000-07:00

Peter Pan that is.

"never say goodbye
because saying goodbye
means going away
and going away
means forgetting."

I'm leaving Wednesday for school up in Washington. This is the part where I start to question my decision for going to school up there. The part where I have to say goodbye to my friends and family. I hate it. Especially after such an amazing summer with them all. But this is the way God wants it, and my trust is fully in Him. So I'm gonna stop saying goodbye to people cause it's not forever, and I think about everyone at home constantly while up at school, I never forget them. Christmas will be a glorious time of reunion :)

It's all in God's hands.

You Hold Me Now

2009-08-17T13:57:00.000-07:00

AH! I am posting a blog!

So I head back up to Washington in one week. So i figure I better start blogging again.
This summer has been absolutely amazing. I have spent some great time with my friends and family but now it's time to leave again :(

It's always gonna be hard. I don't know why I thought it wouldn't be. But it always will be. The people I'm always surrounded with here are so encouraging and love God so much that it's hard to be away from them. But God is with me and He is all we need. So I'm going back up to Washington confident that God is leading me and using me. That is my prayer at least.

So where to begin with this summer.
God has completely blown my mind.
I have encountered God in tangible ways that I have never before experienced.
I first encountered God my sophomore year in high school, so 5 years ago now.
These past 5 years have been an adventure and an amazing one at that!
Living life with God is, well, the only way worth living I believe.
These past 5 years have also been the most challenging living with God.
We are constantly being thrown back and forth between the things of this world, clothes, money, cars, school, relationships, jobs, etc. and the things of God, the things that God's word explains to us as fruits of the spirit. That's at least how I feel. It's gotten harder and harder to discern the difference between things that will bring me earthly pleasure and the things that will bring me endless joy in eternity with God. So my relationship with God has gotten rocky.

This year, I have been so hungry for Christ. So hungry for the real living God. My prayer has been that God would reveal himself to me in different ways. He did just that this summer. I was completely consumed by his grace and love for me that I often just haven't had the words to express the feeling. But it has been amazing. And I know God knew that the years past have been preparing me for this year and this revival that I feel I'm going through.

I am joyful.
I am hopeful.
And I'm ready to leave home again and walk confidently in the Lord.

" So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness."
Colossians 2:6-7

i hate living at home

2009-06-09T19:20:00.001-07:00

HATE IT.

Made It Home

2009-05-15T13:30:00.000-07:00

Now for unpacking and moving back in.
BLAH

Just A Random Thought Blog

2009-04-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

I'm bad at posting blogs.
I am.
I feel like if I don't have anything of any importance to say, I might as well not blog.
But that's boring.
So I'm changing that.

I have a week left of school until SUMMMMMMMEEEERRRRR!!!! My absolute favorite time of year :) I can't wait for the beach and bonfires and BBQ's and Disneyland and swimming and laying out and being tan and shopping and eating at Ruby's on the pier and driving around late at night and In-N-Out ahhhh I could literally go on forever.

Wow. Just got very excited :)
It will be weird leaving Washington for a couple months though. I'm finally getting used to it here and the weather is getting very nice. I'm sure it's going to be beautiful up here in the summer with the lake and all. But I'm going to the beach, so it makes up for it :) haha

Wonderful.
Can't wait.
Praise God!!

It Ain't Easy

2009-04-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

It Ain't Easy
I am learning to be a father but I really don’t know how
To be willing to care for others more than I love myself

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

I am learning to love my neighbor and to live by the golden rule
But it’s so hard when I’ve been lied to
I feel like a fool forgiving a fool

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

I am learning to be faithful with the little that I have
To do like Jesus and turn the tables
To give it all to get nothing back

It ain’t easy learning to love like you

by: Jason Upton

Can't Go Back Now

2009-04-18T21:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday when you were young
Everything you needed done was done for you
Now you do it on your own
But you find you're all alone, what can you do?

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

You know there will be days
When you're so tired
That you can't take another step
The night will have no stars
And you'll think you've gone as far
As you will ever get

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now

And yeah, yeah, you go where you want to go
Yeah, yeah, be what you want to be
If you ever turn around, you'll see me

I can't really say
Why everybody wishes they were somewhere else
But in the end, the only steps that matter
Are the ones you take all by yourself

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on
'Cause you can't go back now
Walk on, walk on, walk on
You can't go back now

By: The Weepies

- This song brings me to tears! I have had an amazing childhood/high school days. Seriously, I am blessed at home with friends I have grown up with. We have gone through it all together. My friends from high school, Corisa, Justine, Courtney, Carrissa and Bree, my best friend Elyssa who I have been friends with since 2nd grade, and my friends from after graduation, Emma, Jane, Arielle and Rachel. All these girls have a huge part of my heart. This song wraps up what I want to say to all of them. It reminds me of all our talks of what the future holds and what we think God wants us to do and how we just wish life could be the way it was a few years ago.

I believe in every single one of those girls and love watching them all grow and experience new things. I can't wait to see where we all end up :)

All That I can Say Right Now

2009-04-18T20:54:00.000-07:00

I love God

So much.

What my life would be without knowing God?... I can't even picture it.
There is so much beauty in living life with Him.

...I am just so joyful right now :)

I Haven't Posted In Forever

2009-04-09T15:45:00.001-07:00

4 weeks and counting until I'm home for the summer.
I'm trying to figure out what these last few months in Washington were...I'm still trying to figure it out haha

It's been quite the adventure.
I finally know what it means to surrender to God.
There is nothing scarier or more rewarding.

It's Easter weekend.
Tomorrow is Good Friday.
This song helps me remember.

I hear the Savior say,
“Thy strength indeed is small
Child of weakness, watch and pray
Find in Me thine all in all”
*
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow
*
Lord, now indeed I find
Thy power and Thine alone
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone
*
And when before the throne
I stand in Him complete
Jesus died my soul to save
My lips shall still repeat
*
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow
*
Oh praise the One
Who paid my debt
And raised this life
Up from the dead

OH PRAISE THE ONE, WHO PAID MY DEBT
AND RAISED THIS LIFE UP FROM THE DEAD!
*
Jesus paid it all
All to Him I owe
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow

Praise the One who paid my debt

Home Sweet Home

2009-03-09T20:55:00.000-07:00

Man I am loving being home.
It is such a refresher that was much needed.
" You never know what you have until it's gone" that saying has never been more true.
Riverside, my home for my entire life until January used to be the one place I wanted to get out of more than anything in the world. I felt it was useless being here. Now though, God has shown me what a blessing I have here in just the few days I've been back. The Grove has been my second home for almost 5 years now and I wouldn't want it any other way. I thank God for that church and for bringing me to friends who I have gone through life with the past 5 years. This town is amazing...I don't care what you all say. The community here and the memories that I have here can never and will never be replaced.

I pray I can find this kind of community up in Washington. Instead of this week making me depressed about going back to school, I hope it creates in me a want for this kind of community up at school and I pray God will lead me to that.

FRIENDS IN RIVERSIDE: THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BEING SO AMAZING AND FOR LIVING LIFE WITH ME! YOU HAVE ALL BEEN SUCH BLESSINGS IN MY LIFE AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHERE I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU!!! THANK YOU FOR ALL THE MEMORIES I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

I Am So Ready...

2009-03-05T13:04:00.000-08:00

FOR ALL OF THIS TO BE IN MY LIFE AGAIN!!!!!!!!
WOOOO!!!!
I am officially home tomorrow night!!!!!!!

This Is Bad

2009-03-01T16:59:00.000-08:00

Why oh why do I love clothes so much.
Couldn't I have been given a love for something like reading?
It's somewhat free and people tell me it's really enjoyable.
But no, I love clothes and shopping.

I'm currently craving:

If Grace Is An Ocean We're All Sinking

2009-02-26T16:21:00.001-08:00

He is jealous for me
loves like a hurricane, I am a tree
bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions
eclipsed by glory.
And I realize just how beautiful you are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so.
Oh, how He loves us,
how He loves us so.

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in his eyes.
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking.
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
and my heart beats violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about
the way

He loves us
Oh, how He loves us.
Oh how He loves us
Oh, how He loves
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves us
Oh, how He loves

Summer

2009-02-23T15:45:00.000-08:00

I miss it so much that I just tried on all my summer clothes in my dorm and danced around in my flip flops listening to joshua radin which is my summer car ride with the windows down music.

It's raining outside. So it put me in a good mood haha

:)

...Sorry if you don't like feet. I don't either, but I'm just way too excited about wearing these babies again.

I Am...

2009-02-22T22:20:00.000-08:00

-craving In-n-Out
-missing my friends at home SO much I didn't even know missing people this much was possible
-desperate for God to be the only one I listen to
- wanting to go to Disneyland
-wishing Spring Break were tomorrow
-dreading the week ahead
-looking for solid friends
-waiting for people to grow up

Arielle and NU collide

2009-02-19T13:37:00.000-08:00

So Arielle came to Kirkland last weekend!!
It was amazing.
All my friends loved her and it was so great having a little taste of home here with me. I love her so very much!!

We went on a ferry ride. It was so beautiful!!

gum wall :)

then Mt. Dew pong haha

TWO WEEKS UNTIL I'M HOME FOR SPRING BREAK!!

But this I know with all my heart.

2009-02-17T23:57:00.000-08:00

Amazing.

"Why should I gain from his reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom."

I am so in awe of Jesus every time I hear these lyrics. How on earth is it possible that I am saved, that my sins are taken care of because of a sacrifice made my someone before He even knew me, or should I say before I cared to know him. Why should I gain from his reward? Why am I allowed to live a life full of blessings and far from the punishment of sin? I am so blown away when I think of this. It doesn't seem fair. It really doesn't seem fair that not everyone on Earth cares to know this Jesus that did this for us. He deserves so much, God deserves so much more than we as human beings can give him. I wake up every morning, go to class, come back, sleep, and not once close my eyes and thank God.

Another song says
" I need a song to sing to you that I have yet to find."
I feel that is so true. I want to say so much to God and sing to him how thankful I am but I just can't find the words. I pray my heart would reflect that thankfulness.

HOW GREAT IS OUR GOD!!!

In A Funk

2009-02-09T18:52:00.000-08:00

That's how I'm feeling.
This weekend was nothing short of an adventure.
I drove over to eastern washington with my friend Alyssa.
The drive is about 4 hours, a little over and it's literally a straight drive.
It's really pretty though at a certain point when your going through the mountains, snow everywhere and frozen waterfalls. I even saw a deer in the snow! It was beautiful! Alyssa laughed at me for that one cause she says she sees deer all the time. Spoiled Washington kids ;)

Anyways...I want so badly to write about everything that happened but seriously...all the memories are a blur. Here is what sticks out the most to me though...

I GOT MY FIRST SPEEDING TICKET! ARE YOU JOKING ME!
ugh...stuuu washington! I was going 81 in a 70 haha but still.
The cop was quite good looking though an considering what had already happened that night, Alyssa and I just cracked up about it.
$144 later...I'm broke pretty much.

But yes that was just on the way there...

So today I have just been all stressed about money and school work and how I have slacked like crazy the past two weeks. BLAH it's all catching up to me.

AY YI YI

But God is good :)

Joy

2009-02-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

" To miss out on joy is to miss out on the reason for your existence." -Lewis Smedes

God created us to be joyful. I believe we are glorifying him the most when we have so much joy overflowing inside of us that we cannot help but pour it into others. I don't know about you but I don't remember making a difference in someones life when I was having a bad day. No one benefits from it, especially not yourself.

Yes trouble and bad days will come and happen more frequently than I would like but
"the joy of the Lord is my strength"
I'm reading "The Life You've Always Wanted" by John Ortberg for my christian thought class and it's bomb. I just read the chapter on joy which is why I'm writing this. He suggests something so easy and I'm guessing something so beneficial to fix this problem of being "joyless." Ortberg says, PRACTICE CELEBRATION. Isn't that cool?
Surround yourself with encouraging people, turn your music up in the car and sing, eat your FAVORITE food (don't even think about calories ;) ) call your best friend and talk about your favorite memories, and while doing whatever makes you joyful, thank God for giving you life to enjoy all of it. I believe if we do this a little everyday, and our hearts are filled with more joy, that our lives would be different and our ministry would be more affective.

Today I thank God for:
-a dry sunny day
-time for rest
-Arielle coming to visit me in a week
-His answering of my prayers
-Chipotle (which I'm getting later)
-the community here at school

Oh yea...

2009-01-28T15:21:00.001-08:00

My Christian Thought teacher said this the other day...

" I don't enough faith to not believe in God."

...think about it

20th year and some snow

2009-01-25T16:34:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was my 20th birthday :)
No longer a "teenager" I put that in quotations because I don't believe I will be acting anymore like an adult...

Yesterday was fun though. I went out to dinner with a bunch of new friends to Spaghetti Factory in Seattle. It was a nice time enjoying friendship as Jackie Gray would say.
Also...IT SNOWED!!!!!!!! ON MY BIRTHDAY!!
It was amazing. I'm talking REAL snow...like snowflakes with shapes.
Most beautiful thing ever was walking out of church this morning to the peaceful quiet and soft fluttering snow. ( How's that for good writing? haha) Really though, it was something so beautiful I had never experienced before!! It's even snowing right outside my window as I write this :P
CHECK IT OUUUT

So I have been learning so much about the Bible lately! Being in an Old Testament class and going to a few different churches, God has really been seeming to slam me with information. Basic stuff too..like how many books are in the bible and all that jazz. But what is really awesome to me is all the prophecies of Jesus in the Old Testament and how cool it must have been to be waiting so long for them to be fulfilled and finally getting to witness it when Jesus was born. Gives me a breath of hope for the second coming we are waiting for now. It is promised and what a great day it will be.

Here is another video of my new friends...they are fun :)

Sunday

2009-01-18T18:36:00.001-08:00

So today my roommate and I went down to read and do homework by the water.
Kirkland is right by Lake Washington so we can even see the water from our dorm room, so awesome.
Today was an amazingly beautiful sunny day and it seemed like the whole town was out enjoying it :)
We kept getting distracted so only read like 4 pages but it was an awesome day to be outside.

I'm having a hard time being away from church. The Grove has been my second home since I started living for God and being away like this is so hard. Harder than just being away from home. I have been to two churches so far and haven't felt led to either. I know it will happen in time but it's just hard not getting the same kind of fellowship or being able to hang out with jr. highers haha which I really do miss. Makes me thankful for The Grove though for sure. Can't wait to go when I come home on break!!

People here are amazing. I feel so comfortable here and know I'm going to grow so much!
I want to know exactly why I'm here though..I don't want to waste my time because I know God has me here for a specific reason. It's all part of the adventure though...figuring out why God has placed us where he has.

Courtney and Bree were here this weekend! It was so nice having my closest friends around! They are such a blessing in my life always there for me NO MATTER WHAT WE HAVE GONE THROUGH! Love them

I heard this quote the other day and can't get it out of my mind...
" Your not what you think you are, but what you think, you are."

Amazing

2009-01-16T13:24:00.000-08:00

God is so amazing.
And that's all I have to say right now.

I'm so humbled by his intense love for us.
Life is sweet

This is all that I can say right now

2009-01-12T23:24:00.000-08:00

Lord I'm tired
So tired from walking
And Lord I'm so alone
And Lord the dark
Is creeping in
Creeping up
To swallow me
I think I'll stop
Rest here a while

And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give
And this is all that I can say right now
And this is all that I can give, thats my everything

And didn't You see me cry'n?
And didn't You hear me call Your name?
Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?
I wish You'd remember
Where you sat it down

And this is all that I can say right now, I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.

I didn't notice You were standing here
I didn't know that
That was You holding me
I didn't notice You were cry'n too
I didn't know that
That was You washing my feet

And this is all that I can say right now, oh I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
This is all that I can say right now, I know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.
And this is all that I can say right now, oh i know its not much.
But this is all that I can give, yeah thats my everything.

Moved In

2009-01-09T01:06:00.000-08:00

Well I'm here!!!!
I have made it to Washington and am all moved into my dorm.
It's so weird, I feel like a freshman even though I graduated almost two years ago, and yes I'm going to post pictures of my room...I'm excited okay ;)

So the drive up here was anything but relaxing.
There is major flooding up here and people were being evacuated so traffic was just insane once we finally made it into Washington.
Oregon is by far the weirdest state I have ever been. For one, you can't pump your own gas, like they don't even let you get out of the car. Weird.
And people just dress....well, weird. I'm sorry, they stinkin do.
They are stuck in the 80's, that's the problem.

So because my school is so small( I found out the actual number of students today, 1300. perfect) my roommate Kalie and I were the only ones on our floor moving in. So it was quite awkward. Kalie almost got stuck in he floods and wouldn't have been able to even make it to school today but God willing she got here safe and sound. Tonight though she is staying with her mom at their hotel because they had such a long day, so I'm all alone on my first night in my dorm. Kind of depressing and sad if you ask me, not to mention my whole floor doesn't even move in until tomorrow. I'm trying to make the most of it though. I did play a fun game of catch phrase tonight :)

Anyways here are some pictures of my room...

For You Have Set My Heart Free

2009-01-05T00:50:00.000-08:00

I am laid low in the dust;
preserve my life according to your word.
I recounted my ways and you answered me;
teach me your decrees.
Let me understand the teaching of your
precepts;
then I will meditate on your wonders.
My soul is weary with sorrow;
strengthen me according to your word.
Keep me from decietful ways;
be gracious to me through your law.
I have chosen the way of truth;
I have set my heart on your laws.
I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord;
do not let me be put to shame.
I run in the path of your commands,
for you have set my heart free.

Psalm 119: 25-32

2008

2008-12-31T17:13:00.000-08:00

This year has been one huge recovery year I would say.
My heart needed to do a lot of healing and I can definitely say it has!
God used me this year in ways I would not have expected when I was still hurting and feeling alone.

I feel like I can split my year into two completely different years. Before Louisiana and after.
Before Louisiana, I was still learning how to move on from horrible experiences the year before. I was still very fragile in my walk with Christ, still figuring out how to leave it all in the past. Slowly God was healing me though and little did I know he was preparing me for something much better.
My time in Louisiana was so amazing. I still think about it everyday. I have learned so much from that six weeks and my time at home after that trip was spent in a much better attitude about life and about God. I'm so thankful for those six weeks serving and being served in Covington... this year would not have been the same without it.
The past 6 months have been wonderful. God has been showing himself more and more faithful as every day passes. I love him. So very much and am sooo not worthy of it all. Grace is a hard thing to understand.
I received amazing news the other night and I know that God is here, he is moving, he has plans for this place and these people that we can only imagine glimpses of. I am confident of that.
So bring on 2009 and the people God has for me to meet and the places He has for me to see. I can't wait to see how his Kingdom continues to grow.

:(

2008-12-30T00:16:00.000-08:00

I am really really really going to miss my friends.
All of them.
It's finally hitting me...leaving home.

-God, I give this whole move to you. I pray that everything I do and choose to get involved with would be glorifying to you. I pray that you will continue to bless the friendships I have at home and I thank you so much for giving me such an amazing support group in my life. While I'm getting scared that this isn't the right thing to do, I know you put this all in my heart for a reason and I trust you are doing great things for your kingdom through my life. I pray my own desires and needs won't get in the way of that. I love you Lord! I am so thankful for my home and the family you have given me here in your church! Bless them just as they have blessed me.

January 24th

2008-12-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

That's when we were born.
Photo sesh with my niece :)

So I said goodbye until May to most of my family today.
:( I'm going to miss them.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

2008-12-23T12:51:00.000-08:00

Best Christmas song ever.
It's just so...good.

So what are we on now...two days until Christmas? It's crazy how fast it came this year, but then again I say that every year. Time just keeps going by faster and faster.
Next is 2009! When did THAT happen?
I'm excited for Christmas. Usually my family comes over x-mas eve, btu this year they are coming over on x-mas and that makes me happy cause usually Christmas day is just so boring. It will be nice :)

I have been taking TOTAL advantage of break too. I am so lazy! All I want to do is sleep and eat and watch t.v., and it feels good!
That's what break is for right? In fact, I may take a nap right after I write this.

Here is a picture of what I'm moving to in 14 days.

PERFECT.
(I don't know this girl, but maybe I will when I move and then I will be able to say I used her picture in my blog)

Have a very merry Christmas everyone!
We are celebrating an amazing moment when God became a baby boy.

Crazy

2008-12-18T14:13:00.000-08:00

So for the past hour or so I have been talking to my soon to be roommate Kalie :)
I got the email last night with her information and did the Facebook add right away of course.
We are going to be great friends.
I just know it already.
We want all the same things when it comes to our room...even down to how we want the temperature.
She is from California too!
We have all the same hobbies.
It's just great.

19 days and it's off to Washington

Family Photoshoot

2008-12-16T23:13:00.001-08:00

Mi familia.
Just some of my favorites from that day.
We have...
My mom and dad
My sister Karissa
My sister Tara and her husband Jeff and four kids Mckenna, Drew, Nathan, and Anna
and my brother Shane and his girlfriend Rachel.
=)

Whales

2008-12-15T09:48:00.000-08:00

I have always had a fascination with whales.
They are my favorite animal when people ask.
I just think they are so amazing!
You want to make me the happiest person ever...take me whale watching.

Anyways, I got hooked on the show "Whale Wars" on Animal Planet.
It's intense.
It's about a ship called the Sea Shepherd ran by a crew of people dedicated to stopping the illegal killing of whales by the Japanese.
They just float around searching for the Japanese ships and try to stop them from killing the whales. When they finally run into a ship it's like a straight up pirate fight! With throwing acid bombs on their deck, trying to shut down their propellers, and jumping onto their ship!
IT'S CRAZY!!!
Ive never really been a kind of "save the whales" person, and I'm not even now haha
Just couldn't stop watching the show :)

Hollywood Hills

2008-12-13T12:46:00.000-08:00

Yeah I party in Hollywood Hills.
Last night anyways...
and maybe it wasn't a party,
but it sure was fun :)

Alex had an art show for her art final at this awesome house in Hollywood Hills. It was tight. They used the whole house and spread out there art work everywhere. I wish I had pictures but all of them are on Jane's camera. There was also a D.J. apparently from the Black Eyed Peas so if your wondering how legit this was...there's your answer ;)
haha

Afterward we hung out at Biola with Grace, Laura and Grace's roommate Nicole. There was the "Deck the Haven" event where one floor in the guy's dorms went decorating crazy and have themed rooms and all that, and people go through and walk around. It was very fun :)

After that, we went to In-n-Out. Perfect way to end the evening.
We headed home around 2 in the morning.
Sad thing is I was exhausted! I feel like an old woman!
2 in the morning used to be the norm for me until this stupid semester hit where if I went to bed after 12 I was as good as dead.
Hopefully break will get me back in the staying up late habit :)
Oh break, you have no idea how excited I am for you to be here!

I'm working on it.

2008-12-10T23:39:00.001-08:00

I have realized that loving yourself is key.
Not loving yourself in a selfish "hey look at me" way, but being confident in who God made you to be.
I used to be a very outgoing confident person, and while alot of people still think of me that way, I'm really not.
There are certain people and moments that really bring out the best in me, but it's rare.
In the last two years I have lost some friends, had my heart broken, and have had to deal with growing up pretty fast. I'm not complaining but these things have totally changed how I view and feel about myself. I am a completely different person than I was a year or two ago.
We all want to feel loved.
Loved for exactly who we are.
I have searched for that love and reassurance that I'm good enough in people. My friends and/or boyfriends is who I tend to put that pressure on. I have learned though that it is not their job or responsibility. While yes your friends are there to build you up and encourage you, when you put the full responsibility of making you happy on their shoulders, you will be let down. This is just the world and that has been the hardest thing for me to learn. I need to find out who I am outside of my friends and family and boyfriends. They are not the people who define me and they are not who holds my identity. The one that my identity is found in has said that He has overcome this world. That no love greater than his can be found on this Earth. My joy, my deep lasting feeling of contentment and peace, it has not and will not be found in people.
I learn this lesson over and over again.
I'm sure I'll continue learning it as I experience more.
I want the love of God to be more than enough for me, I'm not sure that I can confidently say that yet, but that is my goal.
When that love and grace is just enough for me, when I'm not searching for more, I believe that is when I will be able to see myself the way God sees me.

Ok Really?

2008-12-10T17:05:00.000-08:00

People are so rude!
Not a good day to be aroud people I guess...everyone was just in a horrible mood today, no matter where I went.
So I decided to sleep it off after school and now, I feel gross.
Oh naps. Bitter sweet.

I was at Starbucks this morning reading my bible and someone came up to me and made a joke saying " Just wait and see how it ends! " I couldn't tell if it was a nice joke or a mocking me joke. So I awkwardly laughed along anyways.

I have 26 days until I move to Washington and so much to do! Trying to save up money while getting ready for Christmas isn't working. I haven't been able to register for classes because I guess I am supposed to have a over the phone counsling thing first and no one at the school has gotten back to me about it. I know nothing of my soon to be roommate or living arrangments. I don't know how to dress for cold weather or what to bring for it and pretty sure I don't even own the things I do need (thank goodness Christmas is so soon) And right now I'm trying to finish up this boring semester that I was done with mentally over a month ago. However I'm not stressed. I am so so excited. I get more and more excited every time I think about it.

...I am really gonna have a hard time not having my best friends close though...
haven't thought too hard about that one yet.
Although two of them have made my life by already planning when to visit me :)

In other news, I'm getting my hair cut Friday for the first time in a year and a half. Things are looking up ;)

Slowing it Down

2008-12-04T15:33:00.000-08:00

So now I'm slowing it down
and I'm looking around
and I'm loving this town and I'm doing alright.
Not worried 'bout nothing
except for the man I wanna be.

( If your a girl go ahead and put woman in there )
:)
This is what I'm trying to do this month before I go to school.
Also, learn more about Jesus.
Just Jesus.
His ministry, life and promises of hope.
I don't want to learn how to balance my checkbook or how to have a good marriage.
Nope, right now I just want to know more about Jesus.

So It's Official

2008-11-29T09:52:00.000-08:00

I am moving to Washington in January.
January 6 or 7th.
I cannot wait!
I have been thinking about this and praying about this for so long now I can't believe it's finally right around the corner!
I am so excited about the school and just being on my own experiencing a new place and lifestyle.
CANNOT WAIT!

Thanksgiving was this week.
It was lovely:)
Arielle stayed with my family and I since her family ditched her for Mexico.
My family celebrated on Friday so on Thursday Arielle and I spent the afternoon in Laguna. It was gorgeous! The water seemed so clean and clear. And it was hot! While we left Riverside with scarves and coats we ended up at the beach totally unprepared.
I feel so lucky though to live in a place where 45 min away I can be in Laguna enjoying the ocean and the sun and then turn around and drive 45 more minutes to be in snow in the mountains.
So awesome :)

So I'm okay.
I'm in my last month or so of Riverside for a while and I'm going to enjoy it!

P.S - I'm serving at Spaghetti Factory so in like 2 weeks, come visit me. I'm still pretty sucky

What a Day

2008-11-25T10:16:00.000-08:00

So yesterday was quite a day.
Started with getting a flat tire at 7 in the morning on my way to school.
perfect.

Then continued with me taking two tests that I was anything but prepared for.
perfect.

So right after i was done with classes i had a physical i needed to get done and then training for work right after that and i wouldnt be home until about 9 that night. So i'm starving and all i wanted was jack in the box chicken sandwich sooo bad.
So i get it, but as i'm driving away with it on my lap, it falls on the floor of my car and is then covered in all kinds of stuff i don't want in my mouth.
perfect.
absolutley perfect.

So the physical stunk. I had to lift my legs up and hold them up for 30 sec which apparently i can not do. so i almost fail the physical on top of being super sore afterwards. Oh and no one told me the physical would be so physical, go figure, so i had on clothes i wore to school which were not meant to get all sweaty and grose in.
peeeerfect.

Then training. I'm training to be a server at spaghetti factory. We had to carry out food to tables. No one told me that trays of food could be extremely heavy. I have NO arm strentgh whatsoever so carrying those trays was the hardest thing for me to do. First night, I almost dump over 4 trays full of food. There was also a banquet going on of about 200 people which they threw me into having no idea what i was doing.
it was just perfect.

I then get home and can't wait to watch one tree hill hoping it would cheer me up a bit. Good thing one tree hill didn't get recorded.
perfect you ask?
why yes, it was PERFECT!

Oh mondays. How I do not love you.

Results of yesterday:
- Four new tires on my car
_ two tests closer to finals and end of the semester
_ sore arms and lengs which i just translate as building muscle :)
- starting a new job
- learning i need to do leg lifts while watching tv.

Spirit come be my Joy

2008-11-20T22:41:00.000-08:00

" wasted time is when I'm far from your truth"

I totally experienced this today. I came home after I was done with school for the day and just sat around, watched tv, sat on the computer. That's it. All night. So I find myself feeling all depressed and blah about my day wondering why I'm feeling like this. I didn't pick up my bible once today. I didn't talk to God today. What a wasted day. I didn't grow, I didn't share Gods love with anyone. Such a waste and now the day is gone.

I want there to be less and less of these days in my life.

" Spirit fall fresh on me"

-this song is "Spirit" by Switchfoot by the way :)

Work

2008-11-16T21:38:00.000-08:00

God is faithful.

I now have two...count 'em TWO jobs.
I crawled back to old spaghetti factory, not too proud of it, but they are going to let me serve on the weekends. I'm actually scared to death of serving. It's one of my biggest fears, but I am in no place to turn down any kind of job.

The other I am really excited about. I'll be a sub for special needs classes in the riverside district. I'm very excited about working with the kids!

So it all came through.

...still no word on school.
blah

I love this song. This is MY song

2008-11-13T08:50:00.000-08:00

Say you're sorry
That face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on
The days drag on
Stupid girl,
I should have known, I should have known

I'm not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

Baby I was naive,
Got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
I had so many dreams
About you and me
Happy endings
Now I know

I'm not a princes, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet,
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town,
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it's too late for you
And your white horse, to come around

And there you are on your knees,
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted but I'm sooo sorry

Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror disappearing now
And its too late for you and your white horse
Now its too late for you and your white horse, to catch me now

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa
Try and catch me now
Oh, it's too late
To catch me now

Call me corny. Call me too emotional, but I LOVE this song. I'm sure there are a ton of girls out there who can relate :)
Oh how I want a prince charming. blah blah blah, like he exists!
hahaha
ok enough of being girly.

Taylor Swifts new cd is heaven for girls ages 11-20 I would say. Love it :)

So I found out more about moving to Washington. It pretty much depends on my grades this semester which I'm not too worried about. I'm doing pretty well. The thing is though, our semester at RCC doesn't end until December 18th. Spring semester in Washington starts January 12th. That is somewhat short notice to find out if I'm moving or not don't ya think? I've got to be prepared for anything I guess.

I have also been job hunting since August. Most ridiculous few months ever to try and get a job. I swear...there is something out there telling people "Don't hire Alisha she will do nothing but destroy your company!" ...I'm sure of it. Why else would the 20+ places I have gone turn me down? It is quite frustrating...my parents are in my ear about money all the time. I can't help it, I have tried and continue to try but nothing happens. My trust is in God, something they don't understand, so when I say things like " God will provide for us" or " Maybe I'm supposed to be focusing on other things" it doesn't fly well with them. I believe though that it is in Gods hands because I have prayed about it a ton so I don't doubt that I will get the right job at the right time. Right now I'll see what else God has in store for me.

Holidays are right around the corner. Absolutley stoked about that. I just wish this weather would at least humor us and maybe send a little breeze or...something! Either way, holidays are coming and I can't wait for christmas music, hanging out with my family, eating lots of food, walking around mission inn, drinking hot cocoa, disneyland fireworks, mountains in the snow, baking cookies, the list could go on forever! Just a couple weeks away...you all ready!?

Hike!!

2008-11-11T13:19:00.001-08:00

These Stup pictures uploaded backwards(I know how to work it now) So start from the bottom haha

Pretty Leaves

We got pretty goofy on our way down. It must have been the altitude.

We did it!

Happy Birthday Emma

The top was amazing!

Fog was rolling in

SNOW!!!

Waterfall with snow around it. Beautiful

One mile to go

Here we go!!

We hiked in Idywild for Emma's 20th birthday yesterday. I enjoyed it so much. The hike was 3.5 miles up. So 7 miles in all. We were dying at the beginning as we were getting used to the altitude but the further up we went the better we felt. The sight of snow helped to rejuvenate us quite a bit :)

Oh Rachel

2008-11-05T22:36:00.000-08:00

Yes Rachel, my blog title has your name in it.
So tonight at Frugos ( a yogurt place, they are totally the fad right now) Rachel, in reference to the employees being in the back of the store says,
" I just want them to get locked back there so I can steal gummy bears!"
muahahaha
That's Rachel for you :)

Tonight was awesome.
My week has been full of ups and downs, bad news after bad news. Going to church though mid week, seeing everybody who helps me through life, who understands me, who loves me, that makes all of it disappear and I can take a deep breath and for a couple of hours just forget about the messiness of this world and live the way I believe God created us to. In harmony with him and with each other.

Getting Anxious

2008-11-03T20:20:00.000-08:00

Waiting is one of the hardest things for me to do.
It often ends in me completely messing up something really good because I wasn't patient enough to wait for it.
It's just how I am.
I work on it as much as I can and pray for patience.
The problem with patience is the only way to have it, is to wait for something.
So right now, I'm waiting.
Waiting to hear if I am moving to Washington in January or not!!!!
It is so hard because honestly, I have been done with Riverside and ready to move for the past year and now that it possibly could be really close to coming true...I'm still waiting to find out.
I'm just trusting God.
I have experienced too many times the greatness of waiting on God to just keep getting upset about waiting.
Even if the answer is no to Washington, I know God will open up another door.
Something else for me to get involved with,
somewhere else to move.
Who knows.
It could be anything.
Right now though, I wait.

What an AMAZING love

2008-11-01T18:09:00.000-07:00

All for love a Father gave
For only love could make a way
All for love the heavens cried
For love was crucified

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

Let me sing all for love
I will join the angel song
Ever holy is the Lord
King of Glory
King of all

Oh how many times have I broken Your heart
But still You forgive
If only I ask
And how many times have You heard me pray
Draw near to me

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

All for a love a Saviour prayed
Abba Father have Your way
Though they know not what they do
Let the Cross draw man to You

Everything I need is You
My beginning, my forever
Everything I need is You

I LOVE that last part
" All for love a savior prayed
Abba Father have your way
though they know not what they do
let the cross draw man to you."
This world did not and does not deserve what Jesus did for us that day. He loved anyway and sacrificed for us anyway. I can't get my mind around how amazing that is. Every time I sit and think about it I just cry cause I can't handle how huge that is.

Election Day Is Just Around The Corner

2008-10-30T14:14:00.000-07:00

And thank God.
The most RIDICULOUS thing just happened to me.
So most of you know my family...they put a vote no on prop 8 sign out front on our lawn. I personally am voting no also for my own reasons which differ complelty from my famalies reasons.
So I'm out in my driveway just now cleaning out my car, my head is in the door because I'm picking something up off the floor by my passenger seat but I hear a car turn the corner and slow down what sounds to be right in front of our house. So I lift my head and sure enough a lady had stopped her car right in front of our house waiting for me to look up and as I did she looked me dead in the eye and shook her head then looked at our sign and back up at me still shaking her head in disgust. My mouth literally dropped while looking at her and she drove off.
Are you freaking kidding me!!!!!!!!!!
This lady does not know me! She does not know what I stand for, what I believe and she felt she had every right to put "shame" on me in front of my own house when I am minding my own business cleaning out my car.
What in the world has gotten into everyone?
This DISGUSTED me!!
I literally felt sick to my stomach after she drove away.

...Love your neighbor as yourself.
God where did we go so wrong?

Motivation

2008-10-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

I DON'T HAVE ANY!!!!!!

this whole week...shoooot. I have slept in, skipped class, slept some more, wasted time on the computer, slept some more.
what is wrong with me!? I don't like being like this! I'm getting nothing done...I'm not being serious about school cause I am just SICK of it. Nothing is new, nothing is changing, nothing is progressing, so motivation is just gone.

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH
I don't know what else to say.

As good as a Monday gets

2008-10-27T18:18:00.000-07:00

I really had a pretty good day.
I wake up every Monday morning dreading the week that's ahead of me but today turned it around.
Felt pretty good about my math test this morning.
Found out I got a B on my last exam in music which is a miracle.
And soccer today, i scored 5 goals :)

Soccer is quite an interesting class.
Me and Carrissa take it together for what we thought would be fun. We were sadly mistaken. It has it's fun moments, like today, but I wouldn't miss it if it were gone. OUr teacher/coach/whatever you want to call him always gives me a hard time. About EVERYTHING! I complain too much, I need to get a job, I talk to much, when I sing out loud he says it's horrible...things like that. Now most of these comments are true...okay so all of them are true, and he does it in a joking way so me and Carrissa have fun with it.
Anyways, today I took a vow of silence after he told me for the zillienth time I talk to much. I was beginning to think it was getting rediculous considering Carrissa is in the class, and if any of you know her, she should be the one being told to stop singing and talking haha, but whatever.
So the next time our teacher came over to me just waiting to say something smart I just look at him and he says "WOW ten whole seconds Carrissa check that out!"
So Carrissa says " She is taking a vow of silence. She is quite offended."
To which I nod and pat her on the back. He just cracked up. So when we played I played silent...hardest thing ever, but I'm a protestor trying to make a point.
He will miss it. You just wait. It will kill him not being able to say something about my singing or talking. I will win.
So soccer was fun today. The time I stop talking, I score 5 goals. GREAT :)

Monday nights are also my favorite night for tv. This is probably the only time I watch it during the week actually.
It's " BIG FAMILY FUN" night on TLC.
That means Jon and Kate plus 8 and 17 Children and Counting.
Then later on, One Tree Hill comes on.
I never miss an episode.

So I took a nap,
woke up,
took a shower,
now making dinner and going to sit and watch tv all night long.
Beautiful.

Score

2008-10-26T17:27:00.000-07:00

I absolutley love Marshalls.

So I dreaded going in today.
My mom swore I would find some shoes I liked.
So I went in to humor her really.
I was right, I didn't find any shoes...but two hours later I walked out with three new shirts and a jacket for under $100!!!
One shirt being from "FREE PEOPLE" the most amazing designer brand! Please go look at it www.freepeople.com
The shirt originally cost $118, and I walked away with it for $39.99.
AMAZING!

It is hands down my new favorite place to shop.
It's like a game.
You search and search and search and find nothing in one aisle...
then the next you find a SPECTACULAR find!
Do it.
Shop at Marshalls.
This totally brightened my day

I Still Want To Be Friends

2008-10-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

this statement is BS.
UGH!

Almost the Weekend!

2008-10-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

I have one more day, two more classes until my weekend has officialy begun.
Praise God.
I need a break.

And yes tomorrow, if you even had to ask, I will be seeing Saw 5 at midnight with Carrissa and Arielle, in my opinion the only cool people in my group of friends who are willing to do this with me ;) no offense to anyone else...I love you all! haha
Call me sick, call me twisted, I love these movies!
People who have never given them a chance need to zip their lip cause they don't know what they are missing!

Friday I'm going to Disneyland for Emilys birthday :) Should be fantastic, Disneyland always is.

I was very very irritated tonight at church. I love Jr. highers to death, I do, like I have said before they add meaning to my life right now, I love serving in that ministry. There are times though when I want to ring their necks. I want to yell right in their face ." YOU DON'T KNOW HALF OF WHAT YOU THINK YOU KNOW! DATING IN JR HIGH DOES NOT COUNT, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP, I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO BE IN ONE. YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT WHAT YOU WEAR, IN HIGH SCHOOL YOU WILL FIND FRIENDS WHO LOVE YOU ANYWAYS. GOD IS REAL! HE LOVES YOU! HE WANTS TO KNOW YOU AND YOU TO KNOW HIM! DON'T COME TO CHURCH AND SIT AND TALK ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES AND ALL THE BOYS YOU THINK YOU ARE DATING!!!"

...wow...I didn't realize I was THAT irritated. haha
my apologies :\
Pray for me haha

Oh Riverside

2008-10-18T21:07:00.000-07:00

I always complain about how in Riverside there is never anything to do, which is still true, but this weekend has ben so much fun and has made me love it here...at least for now :)

This weekend, it seemed no matter where I went, there was people I hadn't seen in forever, or who I haven't caught up with in at least a year, or parents of kids I went to school with or WHATEVER! There were people everywhere! Riverside is so big yet so small...and I love the feeling this weekend gave me :) This is home. I love Riverside, I really really do.

We stayed in a hotel down on University last night. haha not a sketchy one though! We were there because our church was hosting a leadership conference thing and all the other groups who came stayed in the hotel so we got to also :) It was one of the most hilarious nights ever. I wish I had my own camera so I could post pictures.
WE...
~had a water fight in our hotel room
~played catch phrase with people we didn't know until at least one in the morning,
~met a firefighter ;)
~got free food from applebees
....and I feel like we did alot more than what I can remember...but anyways, it was the most fun I have had in a LONG time.
We ditched the conference though like 4 hours early and went out to eat instead...
I don't regret it.

I'm so glad I was able to be a part of this weekend with the other leaders. One of the greatest!

Routine

2008-10-15T22:49:00.000-07:00

Routine makes me angry.
I don't like it, and only recently have I not liked it.
I used to love doing the same thing everyday because it was things I loved.
This routine im in now though...well I don't know how much more I can take.

Anyways, I really don't have anything to post but felt like writing something...
Tonight church was fun :)
I threw water at Rachels face which I know she appreciated,
went to Subway with two girls in the youth group,
got excited about this weekend!
Oh yes, this weekend I'm hoping will bring some joy into this week.
That would be fantastic.

I'm doing a really bad job about reading my Bible.
I want to, but I just don't.
I always end up so blessed though after keeping up with it, like last month I read Proverbs and it was amazing! I gained so much from it.
But like I said this routine I'm in is making me just want to sit at home and do nothing whenever I can.
LAZY is what I have become...hmm which is talked about alot in Proverbs...ironic?
I need to fix this.
Pronto.

2008-10-13T06:02:00.000-07:00

Why do I put so much hope in a person.
It's so stupid.
I've learned alot this past year about trusting God, putting my faith in him only.
Because people will only dissapoint me.
If you assure me of something...make sure you are sure of it yourself...cause I'm going to trust you. I'm going to believe what your saying and put hope in what your telling me.
That's my mistake I guess.
But shouldn't we be able to trust some people? We need those close friendships we can trust...
If you know your not going to be that though...my friend...why pretend even for a little bit?
It would spare us both negativity towards each other.

Because of things that have happened in the past year or two...I have turned into someone self conscious and paranoid about who I can trust, who I can really be myself around and who whill accept me for exactly what I am. Not many people do, and especially the one you hope will.

I just want to be proven wrong. I want someone to come into my life who won't misuse my trust.
Say what you mean to say, or seriously do not say anything to me at all.

Good News though,
and there is always good news.
God will NEVERleave me,
His love NEVER fails,
His grace is ALWAYS there
He provides me with the answer at his timing,
He comforts me when I'm feeling alone,
He loves me for exactly what I am.
Where I would be without him, I really don't ever want to know.

A Tribute to the Good Old Days

2008-10-11T13:41:00.000-07:00

WOW. I miss all of it

Thursdays are my Fridays

2008-10-09T09:10:00.000-07:00

I have no school tomorrow.
BEAUTIFUL.

This morning started off well. I got an A on my math test which blew my mind because I have the definition of idiot for a teacher. So that made me happy.

Yesterday was a jammed packed, busy, emotional rollercoaster of a day.
I went to eat with Jane and Rachel who I lived with in Louisiana. ( You two may be the only ones who read this as of now but I wanted to explain that anyways )We lived in the same houses for six weeks, Rachel and I sharing a bed every night. We talked about Louisiana memories for an hour or so and we could have gone on for hours more but Jane had prior engagements. We laughed so hard remembering all the ridiculous moments like Jane losing her shoe, or Rachel being sick on the way to Flordia, and wanted to cry remembering all the moments we wanted to just pack up and come home. I love them. So so so much and if I had any pictures on my computer I would post them. We had quite the experience in Louisiana and I love that we share that. Coming home I realized no one would understand what I went through and the emotions I felt while living there. I couldn't make anyone really get it, but they get it. I am so glad I still have them to go to when I have done nothing but think about Louisiana all day long, which happens alot.

shout out to the ladies : let's do that every month :)

Double Post

2008-10-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

So I know I already posted earlier today but...well I have alot on my mind :)

Small Groups started tonight and I am so excited for it! These Jr. High girls add meaning to my life, honestly, I love them. I am so glad they are a part of my life.
I had to leave ealry tonight to go visit a counselor from Northwest (school I have been hoping to transfer to in January) and the girls went crazy!
" I'm going to pray you don't get into the school! "
" you can't leave us!"
Aw my heart melted. I didn't think about how sad it would be to leave them. It really would. I spend more time with them than my own family it seems like haha. I would miss them ALOT ALOT!!

So this counselor guy helped me and my parents out a ton when we went to visit the school back in February. For the curious ones go check out the school here, www.Northwestu.edu. So he was going to be in town tonight at a college fair. I went to talk to him about my application which I already sent in. It went very well. He said he was hoping to be the one to read over my application so was waiting until he got back home. He understood though that I'm in this totally anxious place of "where the heck am I going to be in a couple months," so he said he would call the school and get someone to look over it. He took my cell number and said he would call when he heard.

I love this school. It's so not at all where I would have pictured myself after high school but I feel so at peace about it. Like I'm supposed to go there. It's a tiny tiny school. He said they will probably only get 50 new students in the next semester. It has two dorm buildings. One for girls, one for guys. The only thing I can compare it to is CBU, but smaller. It's in Kirkland, Washington which is absolutely beautiful! I could go on forever about it...

The thought of moving totally freaks me out though. I am excited beyond belief about it, but it does scare me. I mean I have lived here in Riverside my entire life. Same house and everything. Riverside is full of people who have lived here there whole lives. My parents...born here... grew up here...STILL HERE. I just don't think that's for me. I want to see what there is out there. Meet different kinds of people. Experience God outside of this bubble. It's scary thinking about moving...but I want to so so bad. I need to try it for myself.

So that was my night. :) Great I know.
Today sucked though...emotion wise. I just though too much about all the things that have gone the opposite way I have wanted them to. Things that I know if they had gone the other way, could have been good. It's so absurd how much hope I put in things and people on this earth. I need God and only God. That's the lesson I need to learn before I can handle getting what I want...ay I dunno.

goodnight for now.
long day tomorrow.

Taste Is Gone

2008-10-07T08:31:00.000-07:00

My taste is completly gone.
I hate it.
I love my food...but tasting it, I have realized, is the best part.
Sickness can leave me any time now that would be great.

Anyways, this weekend I pretty much slept the entire weekend. It was quite nice especially since it finally cooled off around here. Made it feel like October! Go figure. Sunday I made my way to Sandals though and was so glad I did! Matt did a great job pretty much summing up how I feel about the church and politics. Something I never knew how to explain. I don't want to quote him wrong so I'll just sum it up the way I took it. He pretty much explained how our freedom we get from God. It is not something we had to earn, it is a gift to us, an amazing gift. Who are we to take away freedom from others? Only God can do that. So vote in the way you feel God telling you, based on what you believe. Don't vote to vote Jesus into office, it is not going to happen. No one can be Jesus for America but Jesus. I just absolutely enjoyed everything he had to say.

Small groups for Jr. High start tonight. I'm beyond excited. I love the girls I have been meeting and getting to know. I can't wait to get to know them even better while learning more about God together. What a great night it will be :)

...On my way to the doctor with mi madre.
Maybe I'll get some starbucks out of it ;)

And the greatest of these is love

2008-10-03T17:20:00.000-07:00

Why is it that typically, not all the time, but typically, people who don't follow Jesus are so much more accepting of me than those people who do?

I just got done studying with two girls in my oceanography class. Well the studying only lasted about 10 minutes until of course we start talking about ex-boyfriends and relationships. The conversation then leads to the question, " So how many times have you had sex with someone?" Just straight up, just like that. Maybe it's because I constantly am surrounded by my friends from church but, that was the first time I have ever been asked that question and it took me back a little.
" Oh me? Well um I haven't had sex."
" Are you serious?"
" Yes, I'm actually saving myself, for when I get married."
They didn't say anything for a few seconds haha, I felt a little awkward because I barely even know these girls. So they asked
"Well is it because you have never had a boyfriend?"
" No, I have had a boyfriend. I don't have sex because of my commitment to God."
" Ooooh, so your really religious?"
" Well, I have never liked putting it that way but yes I believe in God."

The next hour our books were closed and we talked about God, religion, and sex. Half way through i realized something. They don't live the way I choose to live, they don't follow Jesus, yet I felt like they were so genuine and interested in who I was as a person and in what I believed. Now why was I not the same for them? I wanted to be.
So I just started asking them tons of questions, trying to get to know them as much as I could, I mean, they now knew I was living for God, following Jesus. My commandment is to love them and to be intentional with them wether they know that about me or not.

It blew me away. How much they cared about my life, about me. I can truely say that even with my closest friends, especially in the church, I have only felt that way a few times.

Why?
It almost makes me angry.

Pray for me, and pray for the church that follows Jesus, that we can love the way these two girls loved me today.

Movies

2008-10-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Why are they SO dang expensive now a days! I put down the rest of my money(literally) to see Eagle Eye last night, I think that if it wasn't for me being so tired...it would have been way worth it. It really was a good movie though! Technology is crazy.

In other news, I woke up feeling sick this morning. Ya know that sick, scratchy feeling you get in your throat a couple days before you really get sick? Ya...woke up with it this morning. And tonight is broom hockey!! So not a good combination. I don't want to break my record and actually sleep at church tonight. Lame. We will see how it goes.

In other other news...I have great friends, great supporters, great people in my life who keep me accountable and encourage me when I feel I have no one. Thank you all for that :)

peace

Feeling Lame

2008-10-02T05:53:00.000-07:00

Life doesn't make sense to me sometimes.
BLAH.

I am so not motivated at all right now...and I don't just mean right now, it has been like this all week. I am so sick of waking up at 5:45am, so tired of taking classes I really do not care about. I'm just not motivated. This needs to change

In other news, the new thought of the week is, God is the one and only who will never leave me. He is going to stick around no matter what. Praise him for that.

chao

My blog is U.G.L.Y

2008-09-21T16:00:00.001-07:00

BUT I HAVE HOPE!
i have quite a few friends who blog so I'm hoping they will give me some tips ( hint hint)

So I really want to keep up with this.
To update...this weekend has sucked.
Life keeps changing and becomming what I don't want it to be.
But I knew I wouldn't go long without being dissapointed, I mean, I live in a world that is bound to dissapoint me, there is only one who never will and he is not of this world.

Holding on to that...

Blog!

2008-08-25T17:47:00.001-07:00

yay so I have a blog now.
I had one while I was in Louisiana and really enjoyed it soooo here I am now!

Speaking of Louisiana...I am going out to dinner with Rachel and Josiah. I'm excited!

:)

Love That's Never Failing

2008-08-25T17:32:00.001-07:00

God is good.

so SO good.

Last year I was allowed to go through many trials and feel so blessed to have gone through them. God was thinking of me! Allowing me to know him more and learn more about him when I was at my lowest points. It is true that his love will never fail! I can count on him ALWAYS!!

Life is great right now :) Saying that, I know I will go through low times again...I know now that God is right by side through them all! Im not scared to go through my next trial! Nothing can tear me apart from Gods grace and love! He has blessed me in return for last year! I am forever thankful for God seeking me out!